Sunday, December 30, 2012

Thank God, It's not the End of the World


Before 2011 ended, fortune-tellers believed that 2012 would be a great year for those born under the sign of the dog.

They are right. A lot of negativity came along my way but I learned from them, became stronger because of them.

2012 wasn't particularly good with romance, but it was definitely better. After a heartbreaking split with my greatest love in 2011, I stayed single the entire 2012. Got to know some guys I liked, dated a few, and kept my hymen intact the whole year. Who says I'm promiscuous?

This year became a reunion of some sort as Tita R who moved out when she got married, diagnosed with the Big C, moved back here in the ghetto while I, languishing in the cold and rainy mountains of the Cordilleras, decided to quit my job there and head back home. Ngayon, wala na naman akong privacy. Char!

I lost nieces in January and September but gained a nephew in April, even became his godfather, or godmother. Basta, godparent.

I got a new job, went to places I've never been to, and started to eat healthy and hit the gym again.

I may not have opened a new bank savings, quit smoking or had a new partner, at least I'm thankful it isn't the end of the world, I can still get to finish and achieve the rest on my bucket list.

93% of all the Filipinos this year are hopeful that 2013 will bring greater joy.

 I disagree...

The coming year, I KNOW will be greater!



Happy New Year!

Sunday, December 16, 2012

After A Long While

First of all, I'd like to apologize to the 94 (million) readers following my ever so popular blog for not updating  or posting anything in a long while.

To the friends I came to know through this blog, I am sorry for not always being visible on your blogger dashboards. I apologize for not being around blogosphere as often as you'd like ( I know, deep inside, you want me here always. hehe). Lately, I'd been into different parts of the virtual world (Read: Facebook, Wikipedia, Google, Yahoo, Tube8, Xvideos, Pornhub, Xtube, and Youjizz).

Kidding aside, I've actually been busy living my life in the real world. Weeknights are spent helping Americans with their healthcare insurance issues while after-work's allotted to getting back in shape in the gym. Since I already have the means to spend, I'm able to establish new friendships and rekindle old ones through weekend dinners with acquaintances or out of town rambles with close friends.

It's been so busy, I never got the chance to compose thoughts and create meaningful posts. (As if I can.)

It's been so busy, I just realized that today's the first anniversary of the last time I got banged. Haha!

It's really been busy.

I am sorry.




Sana hindi na ako sabaw.







Sunday, November 4, 2012

I Count!


This one's for all of those who work in the BPO industry.




"There is not one person in this country today that can say he has made a difference,

not one who has taken that leap of faith to change his fate,

not one who has made a difference for his loved ones,

not one who pushes this country forward.


There is not one person today you can call a hero.



Not one.






But thousands."





What better way to acknowledge today's heroes, than to create this ad.

Even more proud because the first to recognize our worth through a TVcommercial is my current, and hopefully the last, employer.


I'm glad I count!=)

(Sorry, sabaw pa din)

Thursday, September 6, 2012

I Might Give This A Try

The signs and symptoms are starting to become apparent. I'm beginning to feel the effects of something I'm afraid I might contract.

I have tried to avoid this sensitive issue for quite a while, but I guess sooner or later I would have to face its complicated, albeit, liberating consequences.

I think no one can ever help me live through this phase other than a medical expert. I think I need a doctor.

Kaso hindi pa siya licenced. Sagutin ko na kaya ang intern?=)

Monday, July 2, 2012

On Afflictions and Trivialities

I am hot!

In my mind I always am. A lot of people, even friends, may disagree with this statement, but I care not because my body agrees with me for at least once every year. And today is that day when it happens. Currently, my body temperature reads 38.6°

I am such a sickly weakling! But what can you expect? I come from a sickly lineage. I've seen relatives who lived under the same roof lose battles against  pneumonia, Alzheimer's, cancer, and even bipolar disorder. (Believe me, you wouldn't want that to happen to a family member). Being down with the flu is nothing but normal. Inconsequential. Parang Trivia lang nina Ripley's at Guinness.

According to the World English Dictionary, trivia means:


— n
functioning as singular or plural petty details or considerations; unimportant things; trifles; trivialities

Trivia's just good-to-know information. Nothing more. 
Life goes on, with or without them. Parang lagnat ko lang. Kahit meron  nito, Happiness pa rin! 
Right now, my body hurts, I've got stuffy nose, watery eyes, and all that but I won't make a fuss over something so unessential and normal. This too will pass. Yeah?




Tuesday, June 26, 2012

A Battle, This is Not

[8\52] Lies are sweet, Truth Hurts .. are you brave enough to love me?

"Lies that build are better than truths that destroy."

 If deceit was the foundation of this kinship we forged, 
I'd rather not know the truth.


Wednesday, May 23, 2012

See You Soon

Pakitingin naman kung nakikita mo diyan ang pangalan ko sa mga malapit nang sumunod sa'yo.

Kung hindi mo makita, pakisabi naman kay San Pedro, I will do my best para maging karapat-dapat na kasama diyan sampu ng mga mababait na pamintang tulad mo. 

Nga pala, ngayon siguro nakikita mo ako na may kasama dito sa Baguio. Siya na yata ang Gardo ng buhay ko.   Alam mo din siguro kung ano ginagawa namin nung time na sinusundo ka na ni Angel Gabriel. Maka-timing ka naman kasi madaling araw. Ikaw na ang mischievous brother.

Tama nga ang kasabihan, "Good souls die young.". Tama ka, mas mabait ka. I wish you would've been a little bit naughtier so you would've stayed a bit longer, but it's just me being selfish. Para kasing kulang yung time eh.

Brader, Miss na kita. Pag nagparamdam ka, hindi ako matatakot, pramis! Kahit one time lang. Gusto lang kita pasalamatan sa  maikling panahon na naigugol mo para sa akin. It was short, but was well worth it, kahit na I wanted more. I learned a lot from you. I hope you know that. I'm sure you do. 

Thank you. 

I want to say a lot more but I want to keep it private between the both of us, so just do eavesdrop on my prayers na lang. Okay? Try to put earplugs na din.

Rest well, brader. You will always be remembered.


Saturday, May 12, 2012

Tinidor (2)


Shall I follow my instinct when it has already failed me in the past?
Is it unfair to think of my own happiness first before everything, and everyone else?
Should I let this day pass, intoxicated and all, and decide tomorrow, or should I make the decision now?

My mind tells me to leave, but my heart shouts "Come back!"

How do I strike a balance?

Saturday, May 5, 2012

I Am Ready


I'm Mark.You are?

My name is Ga...(commotion)


May mga matututunan din pala ako sa mga TV ads na lumalabas ngayon. Take for example Close Up's Moving Closer commercial. For the longest while I thought my heart's been exposed to a lot of hurt that it's already damaged beyond repair. I realized that although it has experienced countless heartaches and pain, it's still capable of giving so much love. Pain may be limitless, but so is love. I just needed to have courage to start an exciting beginning and confidence to make the first step. Just like what the guy has in the commercial.

Despite the commotion and all the distractions around, I only needed to have the confidence to take on the stage called life and accept its amazing possibilities.


I just met the most incredible girl today and I don't even know her full name. But Ga, this is for you...

Inch by inch we're moving closer
Feels like a fairytale ending
Take my heart, this is the moment


So, today exactly a month from my birthday (ehem, friends), I proclaim to myself that I am ready. I'm ready to love again.


Moving closer... 
Closer to you... 
Moving closer... 

I'm moving closer to you.


I end this post with hope, just like the song, that I'm moving closer to YOU.
I dream of the day when this finally happens: Me, confidently proclaiming to the world my admiration for you. You, slowly approaching me with happiness in your eyes telling me something like this:


By the way, it's Gardo.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Tita R

Hindi mo siguro alintana ngayon ang mga taong nakapalibot sa iyo sa mga oras na ito habang ikaw ay himbing na natutulog pero alam ko na alam mong wala silang hangad kundi ang mapabuti ang lagay mo.

Sa mga oras na ito, wala man ako sa tabi mo, sana malaman mo na isang parte ng puso ko ay nakalaan lamang para sa iyo. Isa ka sa mga taong humubog sa pagkatao ko. Ikaw ang kaisa-isang nilalang na ayaw akong maging kaliwete. Tanda ko ang pananakot mo na magiging masama ako kapag itinuloy ko ang pagsusulat sa kaliwang kamay. Tanda ko rin na ikaw ang pinakamadaldal na matanda sa tahanang kinalakihan ko. Lahat kasi napapansin mo. Halimbawa na diyan ang mga microscopic na alikabok na lagi mong winawalis pag dating mo galing sa eskuwelahang pinagtatrabahuhan mo.

Hindi ka man pinagkalooban ng isang anak na masasabi mong iyong iyo, alam ko na isa kang mabuting ina, dahil ramdam ko iyon mula sa iyo. Kahit na puro bunganga ang bungad mo sa akin at kay kuya, okay lang dahil kaakibat nito ang mga candy na kinumpiska mo sa mga pupils mo. Salamat din po sa libro ni Zaide na mula sa library ng school niyo na nagbigay sa akin ng makulay na imahinasyon tungkol sa kasaysayan ng bansa natin.

Alam ko po na hindi conjugal property ang pamanang bahay sa inyo ni lola Deliang kaya salamat po na sa akin niyo gusto ipamana ito. Pero hindi ko kailangan ito. Kayo po ang kailangan ko.

Nakakatuwang isipin na sa kabila ng inyong karamdaman, ipinakita niyo pa rin sa akin ang katatagan na hindi ko pa nakita sa kahit na sino man. Sa tulong ng Maykapal, malakas ang loob kong malalampasan niyo ang pagsubok na ito. Pero sana naman huwag niyo ring kalimutang alagaan minsan ang inyong katawan. Kapag may  nararamdaman na, magpatingin agad sa doktor para hindi na ulit umabot sa ganitong pagkakataon, Okay?

Mamayang hapon, dadaan ako diyan. Sana may epekto pa din ang anesthesia para groggy ka pa din at hindi mo ako ulit bungangaan. Pero sa totoo lang gusto ko maabutan kang tulog pa din para mahawakan ko ang iyong mga palad at mabulong sa iyo na mahal na mahal kita. Hindi ka kasi touchy.

Hindi ko man magawa ito mamaya, bilang hindi rin naman ako touchy tulad mo. Hayaan mo na lang na kahit dito sa blog na ito ay masabi ko ang tunay kong nararamdaman para sa iyo.

Tita, pagaling ka po ha? Huwag ka muna mawawala, hindi pa ako ready. Mahal na mahal po kita.


Thursday, April 19, 2012

Sa Burnham Park


Naalala ko ang Burnham Park. Sa Burnham Park matao. Marami kang makikita dito lalo na pag weekend. Andyan ang mga maiingay na turistang camwhores, mga grupo ng highschool girls na parang may amorseko ang mga kipay kung makatili. Marami kang makikitang mga hip hop, punks, cowboys, pati na rin ang mga napag-iwanang retro. Hindi din mawawala sa Burnham ang mga joggers at taichi and aerobics enthusiasts

Siyempre regular din sa park na ito ang mga nagtitinda ng kung anu-anong may kinalaman sa strawberry. Hindi mawawala ang stalls ng strawberry jams at preserves, ang mga naglalako ng fresh strawberries, strawberry-shaped keychains, strawberry-flavored taho at strawberry-inspired shirts. Nakakatuwa lang kasi wala naman talagang strawberry farm sa Baguio, sa La Trinidad naman yun.

Normal na kalakaran na lang dito na makakita ng lovers na holding hands while walking. Sa Burnham makakakita ka ng perfect couple - mala-palitong lalaki at ang alaga niyang baboy girlfriend - perfect 10 right? Minsan naniniwala na din ako sa mga teleserye kasi dito mo makikita si senyorito kahawak-kamay si inday. True Love di ba?

Papahuli pa ba ang mga badette sa PDA sa burnham? Of course not! Madami ka ring makikitang mga lalaki that hold hands there. May mga out na nakakatatlong ikot na sa gilid ng lagoon eh hindi pa rin bumibitaw sa pagkakahawak sa mga kamay ng kanilang partner. Meron din namang mga barakong barako tignan na maghahawak kamay lang for just a blink of the eye. Saglit pero worth it.

Yun nga lang, although gay PDA is generally accepted ang tolerated here, You will never see anyone dare kiss their partners in public. Hindi mo sila makikitang naghahalikan sa Burnham.



Dahil yun ay makikita mo lang sa victory Liner Bus terminal.



Doon kasi kami nag-kiss ni McCoi.

By far, this was the most fearless gesture of gay love that I felt. For me, this was the sweetest 5 seconds of my life. Him, kissing me in a very public place was priceless. Inisip ko pa noon na kahit malaglag pa yung sasakyan kong bus sa bangin at mamatay ako eh okay lang.

All my life I was afraid to show who I really was. I never thought that a simple but very public kiss would change me. That single kiss completed me.

So please don't blame me for thinking that he's my "greatest love".

Buti na lang talaga hindi nalaglag yung bus. Kundi, mawawalan na ako ng chance na makilala ang aking "eternal love".

Friday, April 13, 2012

My Brother From Hell


Mahal na mahal ko ang aking mga magulang. Ayaw ko silang makitang nasasaktan. Sigurado ako na ang pagmamahal na ito ang dahilan kung bakit hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa baldado ang isa pa nilang anak. One time kase muntik ko nang baliin ang leeg niya.

Napakasuwerte ng kuya ko dahil siya ang paborito nila nanay at tita. Paborito siyang ipagdasal nila nanay at tita sa kanyang agarang pagbabago. Napakasuwerte din ni kapatid dahil isa lamang siya sa tatlong taong nakatikim ng kamao ko. (The other two being my uncle and college best friend. Saya di ba?)

Hindi talaga kami close ng utol ko. Don't get me wrong though. I don't hate my only sibling. Mahal ko pa din siya kaya nga gusto ko lang na maparalyze siya. I don't want him dead. I only want him to suffer.

Why? Let me cite some reasons.

Una, mautos siya. Noong bata pa ako, pag siya ang inuutusan nila nanay, for sure tatawagin niya ako para iutos sa akin ang utos na iniutos sa kanya nila mudak. Nung mga time na yun inisip ko na mas okay na maging middle child at maging black sheep kesa naman sa maging chimi-ah-ah ng pamilya ko. Looking back, I think I handled that time of my life with poise and finesse like a true little Miss Philippines. Besides, bata pa nga ako at madaling mauto.

Pero ang memory na talagang tumatak sa mura at bubot kong pag-iisip noon ay yung tawaging "panget". Since uto-uto nga ako, ayun naniwala naman ako sa kanya na isa nga akong ugly bakling. Siguro, sadyang Inggitero lang talaga siya. 

When I was a junior in high school nga, my parents bought me new leather shoes and a handsome set of  formal attire for my prom night. Bilang inggitero nga, gusto niya meron din daw siya. Hindi niya narealize na apat na taon na noon ang nakalilipas nung ibinili siya nila parents ng ganung kagarang mga damit dahil may prom din siyang pinuntahan. Yun nga lang, yung kanila, sa school grounds, kami sa hotel. Siguro nga tama lang din na mainggit siya. Chaka ng venue nila eh.

I could list a lot more reasons why I don't like him. But since I have lived with him for almost the entirety of my life, I have already learned to adjust. After all, according to my parents, I am the "understanding sibling". Mas matalino daw kasi ako. Sa kanya ang kaguwapuhan, akin ang katalinuhan. Nagpapasalamat naman ako dahil sa aspeto na ito, tanggap niya ang masaklap na katotohanang sadyang smarter ako. Hindi lang niya alam na mas masaklap ito para sa akin dahil mas gusto kong akin ang looks.

Hindi niya alam na ako ang naiinggit sa dami ng blessings at attention na nakukuha niya. Maambunan lang ako ng mga iyon, masaya na ako. His success is my success too. Kapatid ko siya eh. Pero that doesn't mean that I don't want him crippled still. Gusto ko pa din makita siyang nasa wheelchair because of me.



Ayaw niya kasi ako pahiramin ng laptop eh! Di na tuloy ako makapag-twitter!Waaaaah!!!!



Thursday, April 12, 2012

Greatest Love (2)



Thursday ngayon. As I've said in my previous post, I will be writing something about the reasons why I think McCoi is my greatest love.

I've only had three boyfriends in the past and sometimes it's difficult not to compare all three. Para sa akin, lahat sila may itsura, pero si McCoi lang ang guwapo. I'm not saying that the first two are ugly. It's just that for me, si McCoi lang talaga ang guwapo. Sorry Uno at Rey.

I also believe that McCoi is the smartest. (Sorry ulit Uno at Rey). So far, He is the only partner I had that's well-versed on a lot of topics and issues, add to that the fact that he has his own take or opinion on each of them. Because of this, we never ran out of things to talk about - politics, pop culture, religion. Most of the time our opinions don't meet but we've learned to accept that we have our own stand on things.

In spite of the differences in opinion and strong stand on certain matters, there are times that he persuaded me to take his side through his actions. Before, I honestly believed that promises were really made to be broken. During the 18-month relationship we shared, never, not even once, did I see him break his promise, to his friends, his family, and to me. That's why when he promised that it won't come out, I agreed to make a video scandal with him. With matching pictures. (Huwag kayong umasa, according to him, na-reformat yung hard drive, can't be retrieved na yung file!)

Aside from being handsome, smart, opinionated, and being a man of his words, I also like the fact that he puts attention to detail. In one of the countless conversations we had, I may have said to him in passing how I'd love to receive flowers. Not a lot of people know that I'm a sucker for flowers. Baka kasi mapagkamalan, you know. Haha! Previous partners didn't give me flowers, so imagine my surprise when I arrived home and got from him a daisy. I felt like a teenaged bitch girl. Kilig much! Right then and there I wanted to make love with him. He's so sweet!

But there's nothing any sweeter than the next thing I'll share. This, you'll be able to read next thursday. See you!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Imaginary Interview: Greatest Love (1)


Simple lang akong magsulat. Hindi mabulaklak ang aking mga akda. Wala akong mga ginagamit na salitang kailangan pang hanapin sa dictionary.com ang kahulugan. Sa madaling sabi, maganda ako.

Anong connect? 

Wala. Gusto ko lang sabihin na maganda ako, sing ganda ni Anne curtis, ang kaisa-isang taong sinubscribe ko sa FB page ko.

Bakit naman napasok si Anne Curtis sa usapan?

Wala. Pakialam mo ba? Blog mo? Actually meron, Naalala ko kasi si Anne dahil birth month ni McCoi ngayong April.

Oh Eh ano ngayon kung birth month ni McCoi? Asan ang connection dun?

Kung hindi ka intrimitida at patatapusin mo muna ang sinasabi ko, makikita mo din ang koneksyon. So chill.

As I was saying, she reminds me of McCoi. There was this interview she had where she mentioned something about "greatest love". Sabi niya na si Sam Milby ang kanyang "greatest love". Tulad niya, I believe I found my "greatest love"in McCoi. Si McCoi ang Sam Milby sa Anne Curtis ko. Bukod dun, siyempre naaalala ko si Anne curtis bilang maganda nga siya tulad ko di ba?

Annebisyosa!

Nagtatanong ka lang, bawal mag-react. Capisce?

*End of Interview with my bipolar self.*


Mahaba-haba na ang post, lagpas 140 characters na, puwede na dito sa blogger. Anyways, isa lang naman talaga ang gusto ko ipahatid sa post na ito eh. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am dedicating the next three Thursdays of this month on posts that will answer the question why I consider McCoi as my one "greatest love". That's it. Nothing follows. End of story.

Erase! Erase! Erase!

Gusto ko din pala sabihin na Maganda ako. Ayun. Period.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Happiness

Nasaan ba si happiness?


Nasa Baguio, CamSur, Boracay, Palawan, Bohol o Camiguin ba siya?

Sa US of A, Hong Kong, Singapore o Macau kaya?

Mababasa ba ito sa stash mo ng Comics, Novels o Tula?

O baka naman sa tinatago mong erotica?

Di kaya sa movies like Feng Shui, Sukob o Saw 1 to 7?

Puwede din siguro sa M2M Porn, di ba?


Tumabambay din kaya siya sa Malate, Obar o Epitome?

Nagpapa-spa kaya siya sa Wensha or nagpapamasahe sa Queerosity?


Member din kaya siya ng Fitness, Gold's o Slimmers?


Siguro nadun siya sa mainit, at minsan wet, na dampi ng halik ni papi.

Mararamdaman ba natin siya sa gabi-gabing PnP, one night stand o orgy?

Baka nakikita din siya sa araw-araw na pagsasarili.


Nagtatago ba siya sa closet tulad ko?

Or out in the open tulad mo?


Bakit ko nga ba tinatanong 'to?

Nakita ko naman na siya

Happiness is within me kaya!

Kung ikaw di mo pa siya nakikita,

Tara samahan kita!




Happy Easter! =)

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Simple Together

Daddy ko,

I don't want to sound too formal to you today, but I'd like you to know that this post is not made for me to retaliate on what you did the day after my birthday. Having said that, I'd like to wish you a very happy birthday! Welcome to the adult world! Your teenage years are over. You were twenteen nine yesterday, You're thirty today.

Selfish as this may sound, I'd like to ask something for me today too. I am requesting this from you because I know that you will have the maturity to accept what I want. I am asking this from you too because it is only you who can grant me this wish.

You know that I am afraid of really telling what's on my mind. I can't stand seeing in your eyes confusion, anger or sadness if I say this to you personally. Hence, this piece. I hope you know that I wanted to see in there only happiness.

A couple of days ago, you shared this song - Simple Things - on your facebook page. I'd like to tell you that the lyrics hit close to home. It seemed like every word, every phrase was created for the sole purpose of bringing back memories I shared with you. You know I don't like listening to music but this one, I must admit, evoked feelings I've been hiding deep inside. This song made me cry.

The song reminded me what we could have been. We could have been sexy together - always felt like that whenever we stroll around Session. We could have been genius together - imagine two smart people brought together, we could have been limitless together. But above all these, We could have been happy together. If only we're still together.

The happiness you gave left a lasting impression on me and I couldn't bear to think about the possibility that I might not get that from anyone else now that we're already separated that's why I agreed to make a pact with you.

I know you don't believe on this, but I promised you forever once more when circumstances beyond our control change. Now, I believe that those will remain beyond our reach. We will never be able to control them. For this, I ask you to relieve me of keeping the promise of forever. I can no longer give that to you.

I am sorry.

Today, I ask for you to not think about the promise anymore. As you turn a year wiser, I ask for you to concentrate more on everything else you ever hoped for. I wish that they may all come true.

I know that you'll understand. I'm never good in keeping promises. One thing holds true though.

I still love you.

Always will. On this, you can count on.


Happy Birthday!



 Love,

 Daddy mo.






PS

I don't want to shed tears anymore that's why this is what I'll play for you.
This song still puts a smile on my face, and you know why.
I love you.


Sunday, April 1, 2012

It's Never Too Late

I have been sitting idle for the past three months because, frankly, I don't really know what to do. I lost focus after a heartbreak. Let's leave it at that kasi hindi naman yun ang gusto ko isulat ngayon.

I need to refocus. I need to restart. It's never too late even if three months has passed. Hindi pa naman huli ang lahat para gumawa ng listahan ng mga gusto kong gawin sa susunod na siyam na buwan di ba?

So, to start this month, let me share you the things I need to change and goals I want to achieve before the year ends.

On Health

Before the year ends, I'd like to be physically fit. I will start eating healthy. I will eat more fruits and vegetables,the real ones. I will visit the doctor for the long-delayed follow-up on my hyperthyroid. I will take up a new sport and start running, join the bandwagon probably. But definitely I will start hitting the gym again. I'll make myself irresitable again. Hohoho! And for the nth time, I'll try quitting smoking, again. I am claiming that this year, I'll be successsful.

On Relationships

I will build new friendships and revisit old ones. I have been a hermit for too long. Hopefully, I can start dating again. Who knows, I might find THE one this time.

On Finances

It's long overdue but now I need to find a new employer. When I'm working again, I will see to it that at least 20% of my income goes to my savings. Also, this year I will look for alternative sources of income.

On Recreation

Life will be boring if I will continue to do the things that I have been doing, so this year I will try out new things and set myself out for new adventures. I don't find watching a movie worthwhile, this year, maybe I should. For me, a book is uninteresting, but it will be if it will be my only companion on a retreat to a secluded beach somewhere in Palawan or Bohol maybe.

On Blogging

Hopefully, I won't leave blogging again. I am daring myself to write at least ten posts per month until the end of the year. This year, too, when I'm able to buy myself a nice camera, I will start sharing snapshots I'll take of anything that I find interesting. I will keep this blog simple and personal. I will keep sharing happiness.


Today's April Fools, but right now, there's no fooling around. Ten months na akong ganyan. That's already enough. I know with a pinch of perseverance and a dash of humor, I'll be able to make the remainder of the year a hearty feast.

So help me God. Thank you!

I love you all!

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Ang Akin Lang Eh

I'm sure, marami na ang nakakaalam sa istorya nung limang estudyante mula sa isang catholic school sa Cebu. Sa mga hindi pa nakakaalam, Try niyo minsan manood ng TV Patrol, 24 Oras, Bandila o Saksi ha? Hindi yung puro Walang Hanggan, Dong Yi o Porn ang pinapanood okay?

Anyways, I heard from the grapevine that these 16 year olds were barred from attending their school's graduation rites dahil they made suot skimpy bikinis while on the beach.

The heck I care?

Mga pechay kaya sila.

Mas okay pa kung si Paulo Avelino ang makikita kong wearing nothing but his tighty whities no! Come to think of it, ano nga bang masama kung makikitang naka-swimwear ang mga dalagitang hindi pinayagang umattend ng graduation nila? Nasa tabing dagat naman sila. Mas pangit naman yata kung naka longsleeves at maong jeans sila doon, or worse, yung mga madreng thunders na ang makikita mong naka two piece di ba?

Because the parents of these girls didn't approve of the schools decision, off they went to the courts and sought an order to have these poor little kids join their commencement exercises. Nothing in the news said they tried to first appeal the school's decision. Nonetheless, these parents got what they want - the court order.

Ang problema, the school ignored the order. Nakipagmatigasan sila. Sing tigas ng mga batuta ng mga Guardo Versoza nila. Sana nandoon ako para mahagkan sila. Not the appealing guards ha? These hapless kids of course. Char!

Ngayon, sa pinaka-latest na chismis, nagpa-plano na ang mga magulang ng mga kabataang ito na magsampa ng kasong kriminal laban sa naturang paaralan. According to them, the school should have heeded the order of the court. Ayan tuloy, pumapangit na ang image ng exclusive school na ito sa mata ng madlang people. Naiimagine ko tuloy ang mga susunod na headline in the near future. Catholic School, Nagsara Dahil sa Demanda. Catholic School, Nalugi Dahil sa Bikini.


Nang Dahil sa Bikini.


Or is it just that?


Mayroon kasi akong source na pangalanan na lang nating "Google" ang nagsabi na kaya daw hindi pinayagan umattend ng graduation ang mga chikiting pechays na ito ay dahil sa nakuhanan din silang umiinom at naninigarilyo. Take note, these kids are minors. Where are the parents?


Moral of the story?

Una, i-Google muna bago magsalita.

Pangalawa, Kapag may problema kayo. Dumirecho sa husgado.

Pangatlo, Kunsintihin ang mga minor de edad na magbisyo as young as possible.

At panghuli, Si Paulo Avelino lang ang may karapatang mag-bikini sa beach. Bawal ang babae. Lalo na ang mga madre.






PS

Request ko din po na paki-switch off ang inyong tablet, iPad, laptop, o desktop matapos basahin ito bilang pakikisali sa taunang selebrasyon ng Earth Hour. Let's help save the environment. Take part in this largest annual environmental event in the whole world! - Mark Joe, former Miss Earth. Charlot!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Not The Usual Me

One downside to being the resident comic among your friends is that sometimes they never treat you seriously even if you are going through tough times.

"Pare, na-rape ako."

"Kelan ka pa nagkaroon ng kipay? Hahaha!"

"Tol, may anak yata ako."

"Ilang buwan ka nagbuntis? Sampu? LOLs!"

Maybe I should also blame myself. I make light of every iniquitous predicament I'm in. I can make a sour situation turn sweet. I see the good in the bad. The imperfect becomes perfect. The deficient, ample.

Sometimes, when life's BS is more than enough to bear, a hearty laugh from a friend isn't enough. Sometimes, a pat on the shoulders and the words "This will pass" are all that I need to get me through.

Right now, I need the tap and the words. But a hearty laugh will still suffice. Ngayon ko lang kasi nalaman na S-L-A-M-B-O-O-K ang tamang spelling.

Akala ko SLUMBOOK. Sheemas!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The Lady is Now A Daddy

All of my friends knew that I dabbled into straight relationships.

Not everyone though, especially those I met afer I came out, knows that I cohabitated with an ex for a while.

Let me give her a name - Yna. You can blame her for me being a frustrated beauty queen. Kidding aside, she was a real beauty. She was 4th runner-up at a provincial pageant in Abra. Cheap one may say, but at least she was able to compete and get a title. Her body was everything I wanted in a lady. She had all the right curves. She's like Gretchen Fulido. She loved it when I tell her she's appetizing. Ang sarap kainin.

Gorgeous body aside, She's also smart. But not as smart as me. Ching! She had pretty decent grades when she was in college, and emotionally, I guess she was smarter than me. She opened herself to others more than I did. She was the more conversational, outgoing and aventurous between us two. Come to think of it, she initiated it more that I did. I didn't know if it was me or just her hormones that triggered her to request it mostly at unimaginable places (read: public utility vans) or uncompromising situations (like: hotel room shared with friends). Every single time I'd deliver. Ehem!

Not everything was all rosy and happy for both of us though. The relationship started to fall apart when she told me that one of her male friends confessed to her his true feelings. Memories from a failed relationship that involved a third party came crawling back. That's when I began my distrust on her. I wouldn't let her go out without me, I'd let her do the laundry all by herself. I knew that words were far more devastating than physical pain. I never laid a finger on her. That was my strategy. That's how insecurity got the best out of me. The usual jolly and positive tigress turned into a scared wimpy kitten, and it was because of me.

Despite her assurance that I was the only one and that there was nothing between her and the friend, I stuck to the misguided belief that she was cheating. The vices I introduced to her became her own. She turned to nightly alcohol binges and became addicted to tobacco. I let her slip away. Eventually she gave in. We separated but still lived together.

I never stopped treating her like a bitch. I'd take my turn on her after her boyfriend leaves the house. When I got tired of the set up, I packed up my things and left her, giving her no explanations.

After few months without communication, I chanced upon her walking aimlessly along Session Road. She was drunk. I invited her to my place and had a couple more drinks. She told me that she already had another partner but she wasn't happy. I told her too that that night was the first night that I officially had a girlfriend that replaced her. That's when everything turned nasty. She started hurling invectives at me for being an ass. I couldn't care less. She was still the object that I treated like before.

In between sobs and curses, I remained indifferent. At the end of the seemingly endless rant, anger and bitterness, came the statement that struck me.

I still love you. She cried.

Maybe it was the alcohol(again). I don't know, but I started to kiss the crying lady in front of me and started to guide her body on the carpeted living room floor. We started to undress each other like there was no tomorrow. We were like a couple on a honeymoon passionately making love with each other. I remember seeing her so calm and serene while we shared what was to be our last night together. I came inside her. She said the words again, I didn't know if I said I love you back

And then the lights turned on. I didn't know that my friend whom I shared the pad with was inside. I froze. So did Yna. We pretended to be asleep. We dressed ourselves up when my friend went back to his room.

The next morning, I woke up not with her but with a painful headache and a nosy roommate who commented on something big. I just didn't know if he pertained to my junk or her rack.

The days went by too fast. I already wanted to end my relationship with my girlfriend after two consecutive forgotten monthsaries. Being with her became more of a chore. I wanted to break up with her but I couldn't. Yna was right, I was an asshole. I wanted to atone for my sins but I couldn't. I didn't know where she stayed and mutual friends wouldn't let me know any contact details. They just said that Yna was already to be married.

One day, one of our mutual friends called me. A different voice was at the other end of the line. It was Yna. She didn't answer my question when I asked her how she was. What she said was this:

"Hinding hindi mo makikita itong bata."

And then the line went dead.

Seven months after, the same number called again, this time the voice was the owner's:

"It's a boy".

Monday, March 26, 2012

The Girl is Now A Lady

I am the kind of person who likes variety. Just like everyone else, I think, I'm naturally curious. I like to try new things and explore exciting possibilities. That's why when I grew tired of being vegetarian, I tried out eating meat.

Siguro sa title at intro pa lang alam na kung ano ang aking ikukuweto sa araw na ito. Dahil naikuwento ko na ang unang pagdampi ng aking mga labi sa isang naghuhumindig na tit*, ang isasalaysay ko naman ngayon ay ang sakit na idinulot sa akin ng unang pagkakataon nang chicharong bulaklak ko'y nalamon. May sukat at tugma lang? Just can't get over the poem I wrote.

Masakit pala talaga siya. Malamang dahil nakapaskil sa pintong yun ay "Exit", hindi "Entrance". Dahil sadya din akong hindi stereotypical, hinayaan kong magpapasok sa lugar na hindi naman talaga natural na pinapasukan. At kahit hindi ko man totoong gusto, wala akong nagawa dahil mahina ako. When barbells, dumbells and weights were still foreign to me, I was just a skinny twink. Para lang akong tuyot na dahon na konting ihip lang ng hangin eh liliparin na agad.

I met John on one of the mobile chat services a phone company offers. We traded numbers and MMS's, and both agreed that we passed each other's standards. After a few days of sweet and chummy exchange of messages, we decided to personally meet. At first I felt akward because he wasn't the "manly" person I pictured him to be. Sure he was tall and muscular and all, but there was still something wrong. I guess it was with the way he talked and carried himself. I don't know. He was a bit too "faggy" for me. Homophobia is so gay ain't it?

It was a bit of a surprise for me to have accepted his offer to hang out at his place after a brief stroll in Luneta. Yes, tama ang nabasa niyo, jologs na kung jologs. Trip ko eh, wala namang basagan. Going on, Maybe because it was my first time to meet a guy and I was still not comfortable being seen with one who, for me, looked too effeminate. Maybe I wanted us to just be cooped up in a private place where no one can see us. Maybe because I liked the way our conversations went, or maybe I was just, ironically, too horny. I don't know.

We continued our conversation when we arrived at his pad. I didn't know how the topic was opened but I started sharing to him how inexperienced I was with man-to-man hoorays. Birhen pa talaga ako noon, pramis! I think I told him that I haven't been entered through the backdoor. Maybe that was his cue. That night, he turned a girl into one beautiful lady.

Unlike sa first experience ko, this time no alcohol was involved, so lahat ng sensasyon at kahayukang nangyari ay aware ako.

Aware ako kung paano niya pinilit na hubarin ang damit ko.

Aware ako kung paano maghabol ng hininga matapos ka sakalin ng may 5 minute interval.

Aware ako kung paano ako magmakaawang ayoko na dahil masakit.

Aware din ako kung paano sabihan ng masasamang salita habang tinitira't sinasampal-sampal. Di ko nga lang nabilang kung ilang beses akong nasabihan ng word na "puta".

Aware ako na hindi "beautiful lady" ang kalalabasan ko, "battered lady" na.

Most importantly, Aware din ako sa sinabi ko matapos akong babuyin. "Your turn".

He declined. Malaki daw kasi. Compared sa kanya, oo. Umuwi ako noong masakit ang puwet at puson.

What have I learned from this? It was the realization that I truly belong. Bakla nga ako. Nagustuhan ko kasi yung experience. Yun lang.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Season of Beauty

"Panahon na para i-pack up yang Armida Siguion-Reyna mo. Ilabas mo na dyan si Sam Pinto. Anak ako na bahala sa red bikini mo."

Sabi ni nanay.

In my dreams.

Summer na, bikini open at beauty pageant season na naman daw. Ikaw sino'ng bet mo?

Actually hindi ko pa nasisipat kung sino sa mga bagong kandidata ng Bb. Pilipinas ang magiging rightful at super-dooper pressured heir sa trono nila ate Venus at sister Shamcey. Gusto ko lang ibahagi sa universe na isa akong frustrated beauty queen.

One more thing, since hanggang December 21 na lang naman ang mundo, I might as well come clean. Hindi po talaga ako naging beauty queen. Never was and never will be. Frustrated lang nga eh! Sus!

I think of three reasons why I can't fulfill this dream.

Una, hindi ako pasok sa height requirement. I stopped growing kasi when I was 14. I took a medicine for UTI. Turns out, this drug isn't recommended for pubescent kids because it calcifies bones. When that happens, your growth's stunted. Lesson? Huwag mag-hooray everyday nang hindi nagkaka-UTI.

Pangalawa, anorexic kasi ako nung kabataan ko. Sinong pageant organizer ba naman ang papayag na maging ambassador of goodwill ang isang malnourished na nilalang na tulad ko? Tsaka haller! Paano ako magiging epitome of beauty kung mukha akong bungo di ba?

Lastly, I had confidence issues. I was dead scared just at the thought of speaking in front of an audience. Kaliwete kasi ako. When you're a lefty you're more prone to stammering daw. Kaya ayun hanggang ngayon, I still stutter.

Nung nakakita naman ako ng pageant na tumatanggap ng pandak, anorexic at kaliwete, biglang naging problema naman ang pagiging vegetarian ko. Hay ang pechay talaga! Hindi niya ako pinayagan sumali kasi sa kanya lang daw ako. Haba ng hair ko di ba?

The year after, when I was already single, the organizers asked me again to join the contest. Noong nasa orientation na ako ng candidates, dun ko naman nalaman ang pinakamasaklap na impormasyon. I was already over the age limit. Hindi pa ako nakakarampa sa stage, disqualified agad. The F di ba?

After that, inisip ko na lang na hindi talaga para sa akin ang pagrampa sa stage, sa Quezon Memorial Circle at Recto lang daw puwede. Di ko naman trip yung lugar, so dirty kaya.#alta

Kaya heto ako ngayon, nagmumukmok na naman. Wala na yata kasing chance to fulfill that coveted dream. Pero ayos lang. Life goes on. Marami pang ibang dreams na puwedeng i-fulfill. Puwede pa din naman akong maging ambassador of beauty kahit walang korona di ba?

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Hindi Berde Ang Parang

Sampung taon na akong nagtatrabaho
wala pa rin ni isang kusing sa banko.
Ngayo'y pinag-iisipan, pilapil na tinatapakan
sadya kayang mapusyaw at kailangang lumisan?

Nag-iisang bagay na nagbibigay saya'y limot na
dahil sa pagkayod-kalabaw ng isang dekada.
Libangang magpalipad sa bukirin nitong saranggola
sabay takbo sa malawak na damuhan, magagawa ko pa ba?

Pagkaing galunggong, asin at mantika
hinahangad na maging salmon, cake at pasta.
Talaga kayang nararapat umalis sa Pilipinas
upang kalam ng sikmura'y di na muling madanas?

Ang kubong ito na puno ng kulisap,
magkaroon ng haliging bato ang aking pangarap.
Wangis ng mga tirahang aking ginagawa
Sa lungsod na matayog doon sa Maynila.

Hangad ko sana'y pumasok sa kolehiyo
matapos sa kurso't panitikan ay ituro.
Sa silid-aklatan, doon nais na akda'y lilikha
hindi ng tulay, gusali, bahay, o kahit ano pa.

Mas mayabong ang parang sa kabilang ibayo
hinuha ng ilan tulad ng kagawaran ng empleyo.
Hikahos na pamumuhay daw ay mululusaw
dahil mga inaasam at nais ay matatanaw.

Makulay na larawan ng bukas ang aking nakikita
sa napipintong paglipad sa ibang bansa.
Mga maligno ng kasalukuyan ay mapapawi na
sapagkat dala-dala ko ang sapat na pag-asa.

Kahit mga dayuha'y gawin akong alila
payag ako't sanay na, busog naman aking sikmura.
Pag-uwi'y mahalagang dolyar ang tangan
nitong bagong bayani ng pamilya't bayan.

Sa disyerto kung saan malawak ang buhangin
pagtupad sa mga pangarap ay sisimulang buuin.
Laruang saranggola nawa'y muling mapalipad ko
Sa damuhang kung saan, tingkad-berde'y kulay abo.

---------

Lahok para sa "Bagsik ng Panitik" contest ng Damuhan

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Clutters

I know there will be times that I'd snap out of the good vibes streak. I think this is one of those times. It seemed like I have been getting up on the wrong side of the bed for the past couple of days.

Arnold Clavio must have started it. Ikaw ba naman ang gumising sa umaga ng ganun kapangit ang makikita mo di ba? Add to that his remarks on Filipinos with foreign lineage. I believe it was totally uncalled for given that the real issue, he himself acknowledged, was about a different and unrelated topic.

I normally do not get affected by statements that I don't like, after all everyone's entitled to his own opinion. I think I'm just going through a stage that Ternie aptly described - Menarche. Nagdadalaga na nga ako. Pak!

I also had a misunderstanding with a friend. That rift led me to make measures which restricted the stress he's been causing. I know I also contributed to the strain he felt, or is still feeling. So blocking him on Facebook and Twitter is the logical thing to do.

Just last night, some shmuck kind of wanted to kill me too. Well, not really me because his gesture was just a heavy tap on my shoulder and a statement like "Papatayin ko ang mga bakla, Mark". I should have been scared since the remark came from an out of duty, gun-toting policeman. Instead, I was enraged because it came from a kababata.

Add to these the fact that the Azkals lost in their match against Turkmenistan. Na-red card pa si papa Neil. What else could go wrong? Hayz!

And then, this? And until april 4th?

I should stay home and be a hermit.

I'm blabbing.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

A Little Prayer

Asthma
Hyperthyroidism
Diabetes
Parkinson's


Itong pamilya ko naman kung makasalo lang ng sakit, parang hindi mauubusan, sus! Pero in fairness, choosy kami. Yung mga pangmatagalang gamutan at incurable ang mga kinuha. Hayst.

Nevertheless, wapakels. Hindi naman dapat kami kaawaan kasi ultimately dun din naman tayo lahat papunta. Una-unahan lang. Hehe.

Kaya everyday, think positive!

Dapat laging nagpapasalamat sa bawat araw na biyaya kaya naman naisipan kong gumawa ng isang dasal ng pasasalamat sa Dakilang Lumikha.

It goes something like this:


Dear papa God,

Salamat po sa lahat ng blessings na ipinapagkaloob mo sa pamilya ko.
Salamat po sa hyperthyrodism na inyong dala. My heart won't race and skip a bit without you.
Salamat din po sa asthma ni tatay. Dahil diyan, You always take his breath away.

I thank you too for never failing to provide blessings every single day,
You're sweet. Sing tamis ng diabetic na dugo nila nanay at tatay.
Kaya naman nanay always shivers sa pagkakilig at every thought of you.

Muli po, salamat ng marami.


Love,

Mark Joe


PS
Salamat po at gumaling sa prostatitis si kuya.

Monday, March 12, 2012

My Future Babe

I'm still preoccupied with the thought of lesbianism until now. Lalo na't nasa news si Charice ngayon. I'm not saying she is ha? I still need to hear from the butch's mouth before I can safely confirm that she is.

I'm thinking, when I renounce my unequalled femininity to become a tiborcia again, How will she look like? Why will I like her? What will make me choose "her" over "him"?

Let me take you to my wild, and hopefully accurate imagination, of my ideal girl. Pangalanan natin siyang Stella.

I like boobs. Not on me, you silly! eee! Siyempre, kay Stella. Ano bang pinag-uusapan? Ideal girl di ba? Ayun, Schizo lang. Anyways, aside from that, physically I want a girl that's taller than me or at least as tall as me. She should be at least 5'6" in height para pasok sa banga ng Binibining Pilipinas, pero hindi siya ang sasali, haller? malamang kase overage na siya no. What I wanted really is that if we're given the blessing of a daughter, there'll be greater chances that she's tall at puwede akong maging stage dad pag sasali siya sa mga beauty contests. Frustration ko kasi yun.

Pinagdadasal ko din na sana morena si Stella; Has a nice set of teeth; hindi na kailangang ng make-up baka kasi agawan niya pa ako; may dimples hindi pimples. Wish ko din na sana mahaba ang wavy hair niya na hopefully sa ulo tumutubo at hindi sa pusod. Eeew!

Personality wise, Sana street-smart siya, maabilidad at magaling tumawad sa mga tindera dun sa Divisoria. Doon ko kasi siya laging sasamahan sa pamamalengke. Kung hindi naman kaya ng abilidad o galing niya ang mga wais na tindero't tindera sa Divi, sana lang kayanin ng charm niya.

I hope she's family-oriented too. I'd like it better if she's into outdoor activities like hiking and swimming. Sana malambing, madaldal, at masiyahin siya. Sana wala siyang kiyeme sa PDA at hindi affected na once badeth ang partner niya. Above all, She should also be God-fearing. Hopefully catholic too. I don't want to change my beliefs kasi, and if I had to change my religious beliefs, I will not marry the person that I love. Because the first person that I love is God, who created me. I have my faith and my principles, and these make me who I am. And if that person loves me, she should love my God too. Thank you Shamcey Supsup!

Sana ganyan lahat si Stella, pero dahil nga konsepto ko lang ng "ideal girl" ang inilahad ko, okay lang kahit hindi niya lahat taglay ang mga katangiang iyan. Basta wag lang mawawala sa kanya ang dalawang bagay - Ang katangkaran at kanyang matitindig na boobs. Charot! Deal Breakers actually pag hindi siya makakapamilya at walang takot kay papa J. She has to have faith in Him.

Dahil lumabas na din lang ang word na faith, I believe that that will be the answer as to why I will make do desire her over anyone else. In this day and age where facts and rationality rule,it's good to sometimes forget all that and believe in magic. Faith is magic. There's no need to find the reasons why. It will just happen. I just know it will.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

The First Time I Lost My Innocence (Part 3)

Part 1
Part 2

I felt being flushed by one full pail of cold Baguio water with ice upon hearing that voice. Hearing that voice was normally heaven for me, but at that time I didn't want the angel to see me in such an akward position.

I immediately got up and asked her why she was there. Girls weren't allowed to be in any of the boy's rooms "by rule".

I asked permission don't worry. She whispered.

She must have seen that look in my face. She knew I felt worried. But not for being reprimanded by our landlord because of her presence in that restricted area. I was worried she might see Jun naked. Hugging while sleeping between "brothers" was acceptable, but hugging while sleeping naked wasn't. Thank god for the blankets. That-which-should-not-be-seen wasn't seen.

I put on the first basketball shorts and hooded jacket I grabbed,held her waist and Immediately whisked her away from that room.

Over lunch that she prepared for us and her evil witch sister, I ate quietly. Despite her repetitive queries why I had a bluish patch of skin around that small cut and inspite of her attempts at cracking jokes and making me smile, I just shrugged and didn't budge. She asked me if there was a problem. I answered in the affirmative.

Hangover hon. I uttered.

She told me that she'll sneak me inside their room and take care of me there. A good idea, I thought. At least I'd be out of Jun's sight for probably the remainder of the day, or until the next day. That would give me time to think things through.

Her bed smelled different. It was pleasant, had a whiff of lavander. Laying there being taken cared of by my girlfriend was calming. It temporarily hid the confusion I felt that morning. I kept reminding myself that I loved her and that she was everything to me. That helped.

We cuddled, ransacked her sister's stash of junk foods. Her sister could only sigh out of bitterness. We cuddled again. We had a pillow fight. I'd let her pillow hit my head so she could kiss the area affectionately, except the wound of course. Kisses flew all over, and I'd catch every one she blew. She'd nurse my wound with a dripping cotton ball soaked in betadine. She'd blow kisses again. I'd catch them all again. We were so happy.

Just like all the times we dated, it rained again that night. The rain was pounding, its drops were like pieces of pebbles banging against the tin roof of the building, they were like bullets being fired at us. The rain wanted war. I needed peace. That peace I got when Sandra started humming our song as she hugged me tighter and rested her head on my chest.

Minsan pa ulan bumuhos ka, Huwag nang tumigil pa...

I felt so safe. I kissed her hair and I whispered something.

I Love You. Will you stay?

It's as if the rains drowned out the shouting confusion infecting me. Its plea to burst and bring me to perdition fell on deaf ears. Nobody heard it, not even me. For in that moment I could only hear heaven because she was with me. There was nothing to worry about because I was assured that the next morning would come and everything would all be the same.

The dawn arrived and the rain had stopped. Everything and everyone was all the same - Sandra, her evil true sister, Jun, the dormitory, my roomates - except me. However I tried to paint a typical picture of myself I knew deep inside, that behind all this was a damaged facade. I could never be myself again. I was already broken.


The end.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Stuck

I think this is the longest while that I've had too much time for myself since I stopped attending school ages ago. I'm jobless for more than two months now.

Being unemployed can be very rewarding. I get to sleep however long I want to sleep. I can go visit friends and attend get-together's without worrying about missing a day's work. I now take my time eating meals. I now shower longer. I can also sit all day doing nothing. Being at this stage of idleness, I'm able to think about my past experiences and write about them. It lets me assess my current situation and helps me plan for my future actions.

Lately, I'm beginning to feel the ill effects of lazing around. My budget's already drained. I now ask for money to buy little joys like fishball and barbecues. I can't afford a frapuccino anymore. I'm slowly becoming a prisoner of my own home. I can't go out. I'm stuck.

When you're stuck, the only natural thing to do is to think of ways to get unstuck. For me, the solution is easy, I just need to look for a job, land in one, and viola! problem solved. So, why am I not searching for a new job?

I've got one simple answer: I got cooped up in a very comfortable place. I know I'm stuck but who said that I wanted to get out?

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Why Do I Keep On Thinking About This?!

Grace Ibuna, when asked why she "walked out" of the galleries as Alleli Arroyo spoke in congress: I went to the Comfort Room, is that a crime?

Why am I sharing this? Wala lang, I find the reaction funny. I might find it useful too given that what I'm going to write today is about my fancy to get hitched, with a woman, that is. Fancy lang naman, is that a crime?

I might raise a few eyebrows for publicly announcing what I often think about. So what? Again, I ask, Is it a crime?

Is it a crime to sometimes ask for the stars to gift me with a woman capable of sharing forever with a gay guy like me? Is it a crime to sometimes believe that the universe will align every known constellation to give me a destiny who happens to possess a vajayjay? Tell me, is it?

No!

Krimen bang maituturing na sundan ang mga yapak nila Arnel Ignacio, Ogie Diaz at mama Renee Salud? Masama bang ipagdasal na magkaroon ng isang asawa na sintangkad ni Venus Raj, sing ganda ni Anne Curtis at sing talino ni Shamcey Supsup?!

No!



Sorry, may pinagdadaanan lang.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Sangapulo Ken Maysa

Nung tibo pa ako, I remember playing with friends a game called Onse. Variation ito ng basketball, kadalasan namin itong warm up bago maglaro nung hardcore fullcourt bball. Nilalaro din namin ito minsan habang naghihintay makumpleto ang line-up. We just needed to score eleven points on select places along the shaded lane.1 goal=1 point. Ang larong onse ay may sub-variation din. Kapag shooter ang mga kalaban ko, para mapatagal ang laro, ginagawa naming Bente Uno yung winning score. Kapag may pagkamalas naman kami sa pag-shoot or sadyang tanga lang kami talaga, nagiging Syete yung game.

Bakit ko kinukuwento ito? Kasi na-tag na ako. Yey! Salamat LJ! mwah mwah chup chup!

11 Things About Me

1. Ipinanganak at nagkamalay sa bayan ng mga matatapang. Tondo.
2. Never met any blogger except Kokoi.
3. Had 3 GFs, 3 BFs
4. 4 letters ang apelyido ko, 1 lang ang consonant dun.
5. Nurse ng ospital na pinag-anakan sa akin ang nagbigay ng second name ko. Green Water daw ang meaning nito.
6. Naging studio contestant ako ng Who Wants To Be A Millionare nung si papa Boyet pa ang host. Gaspang ng kamay niya. Lalaking lalaki!
7. Naniniwala ako sa multo. Nakakita na kasi ako.
8. I don't wear wristwatches.
9. Despite a 350/350 eyesight, I don't own any spectacles. Contact lenses lang, yung colorless!
10. Hindi ako mahilig manood ng sine. Last movie na napanood ko sa sinehan ay Kimmy Dora, before that, Feng Shui.
11. Insecure ako sa height kong 5'11, okay 5'9...5'6 3/4... 5'6 1/2... 5'6! Grrrr..


Answers to LJ's Questions


Describe yourself using a Science concept.

I believe in the concept of Genetics. Dahil maganda ang nanay ko, maganda din ako. Mana mana lang yan.

How did you handle your last break up?

Nablanko ako. Although I kinda saw it coming already. I just agreed to it kahit walang tanong sa ex kung bakit.

What was the Last video you watched on YOUTUBE?

That episode of The David Letterman Show where Taylor Kitsch was interviewed about his airport experience.

What was your favorite subject in school?

English. Mahirap kasi yung subject. For real.

Anong panget sa maganda at maganda sa panget?

Simple. Privacy. Wala ka niyan pag maganda ka. Sobra sobra naman pag panget ka.

How will you describe your blog to someone who doesn’t have any idea about blogging?

Ang blog ko ay parang isang online diary. I get to write my past experiences, present situation, and future plans.

What are your career goals and what are you doing to achieve them?

I'd like to be a housewife. That's my goal. Maghahanap ako ng isang mayamang DOM para ma-achieve ko ito. Char! Honestly, I don't have a career goal. I just go with the flow and do my job.

Complete the sentence. If I will win 300M pesos on the lottery, the first thing I will do after I claim the money is...

Deposit it in a bank. Sa BDO SM San Lazaro Branch

What is the last topic on Wikipedia that you’ve read?

Hala. Di ko na maalala.

Favorite Walt Disney Character? Why?

Si Rapunzel. Haba kasi ng hair niya. Tumulo kasi ang 0.5mL na luha ko dun sa movie niya na Tangled.

LSS of the moment.

Ngiti, ni Ronnie Liang=)


11 QUESTIONS FOR MY TAGGED FRIENDS


Please enumerate the 204 sovereign states in the world and their capital cities. Joke lang, ang tanong eh How are you?

Are you still a virgin?

Do you believe in reincarnation?

What is the essence of being gay?

If you could become an animal for 1 day, What animal would you be? Why?

Where is the most beautiful place in the Philippines?

How many friends do you have in facebook?

Which would you rather have, beauty or brains? Explain.

Fight or flight? Bawal ang It depends.

Kung kasali ka sa Survivor Philippines, ano yung 2 essential things na dadalhin mo?

Aside from English and Filipino, do you speak any other languages? Please enumerate if there are any.


Tagged friends:

Kokoi: Sana magpost ka na ulit. Miss ko na si Ayumi
Nevae: Makahanap ka sana ng itatag mo. Hihi
Ternie:Sana makita ko ang response mo.ASAP=)

Sunday, March 4, 2012

The First Time I lost My Innocence (Part 2)

I may have had one too many that night. I remember not talking to anyone anymore when we arrived home. I immediately headed for my bunker. When I saw that my bed was occupied, I tried to squeeze in but our friend was as heavy as a log. So, I jumped over to Jun's bed and hit the sack at once. I didn't know if I had my blanket to keep me warm, never knew if I removed my shoes or changed clothes either.

Then my dreams began.

The sequence was sketchy, and the first thing I remembered was that I heard a commotion and saw a group of strangers bunched around something lying in the middle of the road.

I looked to see around. It was dark. It was cold but it wasn't piercing. I felt a wisp of warm air touching my neck and an arm wrapped around my bare chest. I blinked.

When I opened my eyes, I started walking to where the commotion was. As I came near, it became apparent that the one slumped on the ground wasn't a something, but a someone - a lifeless someone. Something inside was telling me that I knew who the person was. I became uneasy, my heart started to race. I closed my eyes.

When I reopened my eyes. It became dark again. But at that moment, it didn't feel cold anymore. The mild breeze brushing my neck started to move up my chin, then to my lips, and it abruptly stopped. My heartbeat was at its fastest. I was out of breath and grasping for air. It was difficult to move for the arm wrapped around my chest was replaced by a warmer and heavier figure on top of me. I kept my eyes shut.

The anxiety was replaced by fear when I came closer to the unfortunate victim. I couldn't contain the shock when I saw who the victim was. I was right. It was Jun. Tears swelled in my eyes. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. As I slowly closed my eyes, the tears fell. I didn't have the strength to open my eyes. I was afraid. The gentle wind caressing me changed to a flaming storm, a fiery tumult that slowly consumed me. The tempest had a silhouette. I couldn't move. The shadow pressed itself against me and encroached my being. I was trapped.

I wanted to shout for me and for my lifeless friend but all that's coming out were only stifled screams of defeat. When everone walked away from us, I mustered enough will to fight the one that beat me. Without notice, I turned over and pinned the figure down. I drew even more strength from the muffled pleas he uttered. I became the master and this soul, my slave. I avenged my loss. I redeemed myself. It was over.

And then I woke up.

As I unclosed my eyes, I saw the rising sun peering through our window. I observed the room, my friends were still all dead drunk and soundly sleeping. I tried to stand but the effects of the alcohol from the night before was still overwhelming. I turned to my side to figure out what my dream's meaning was. I felt cold so I pulled the sheets upto my head, saw Jun's shirtless back and his gleaming set of buns from under the blanket. I was there beside him, completely naked too.

It hit me. It wasn't all a dream.

A flurry of questions crossed my mind. Why did it happen? Why did I let that happen? Was it because of the alcohol? How am I gonna face my girlfriend? What if my roommates saw it? What will they think of me? Am I gay?

I've never felt so confused in my life. I just couldn't make sense of what just happened. No matter how hard I tried to answer every question that came into my mind, questions would just keep piling up. I gave up. It was unbearable.

I was able to find my boxers underneath the sheets. I put it on, ran towards the wall, I mean the kitchen, then puked. The spirit that possessed me the night before might have been so devilishly laughing upon seeing me so disheveled and nursing a small cut to my brow. I cleaned up, took a shower and went back to our room. They were all still sleeping. I curled up beside him. Hugged him and fell asleep. I liked it.

The next thing I felt was him hugging me, a pair of hands pulling my arm and a voice prodding me to get up. It wasn't his, It was Sandra's.




The First Time I lost My Innocence (Part 1)

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Ang Kardinal at Ang Artista

Birthday celebration ni tita. Simple lang ang nakahain. Kanin lang at menudo na pinasarap ng mga kuwento't trivia tungkol sa pamilya. May kamag-anak pala kaming member of the clergy. Ang chismis, may isang establishment daw somewhere in the Metro ang ipinangalan sa kanya. Cool di ba? Eto pang isang cool, may relative din pala kaming artista.Marami daw ang nagsasabing she possesses one of the most beautiful faces in Filipino cinema. Heart-Shaped Beauty daw ang lola mo, na lola ko na din kasi pinsang buo siya ng lolo ko. (May they rest in peace)

Akala ko ordinaryong selebrasyon lang ito, pero may isang malaking rebelasyong sinabi sila tita tungkol sa aking lolo na ikinabago ng pagtingin ko sa aking pagkatao. All this time, I thought I was someone which I am not. Kung hindi pala dahil sa selebrasyong ito, my 29-year existence would've been all a lie. Hindi pala ako 12.5% chinese. 18.75% pala. Si lolo kasi mestiso intsik. Ang akala ko kapag mestiso, 50% foreign, 50% local. Yun pala puwedeng 3/4 foreign at 1/4 local. Ang great grandfather ko was pure chinese and my great grandmother pala was half-chinese, half-pinay. That makes my lolo 75% chinese, my dad 37.5% chinese, and me, 18.75%.
Buti na lang hindi nakikita ang ganitong inconsistency sa birth certificate, kundi baka natulad pa ako sa distress na naranasan ni ate Venus sa Bb. Pilipinas.


Anyways...



Kung kilala niyo ang dalawang kamag-anak kong ito, comment na! Dahil ang unang makakapagbigay ng tamang sagot ay may premyo sa akin sa pasko. Seryoso!

Friday, March 2, 2012

The First Time I lost My Innocence (Part 1)

Leslie Jr. or Jun to us his friends, was the first guy I became friends with when I transferred to Baguio. We were roommates. On the first day we met, he asked me if we could play billiards. Since classes wouldn't start until the next day and there was nothing else to do, I obliged. He's originally from La Union but seemed to know a lot of places in Baguio since the location of the billiards hall we played at wasn't the ideal place to have such a business. It was hidden at the back of rows of shoe shops specializing in cowboy boots popular in the city.

We played several rounds of 9-ball. I never won any of the sets we played. I couldn't complain because I got to know him better even if I sat out almost the entirety of the game. He shared his passion for the game we were playing, how he would earn by beating seasoned players from his province and how he would use the prize to buy beer. He talked about his girlfriend, how he appeared to be so proud of the relationship despite the fact that his partner once cheated on him. Like me, he also worked at a public market. He also didn't mind talking about a few of the personal stuff about him like how he came from a broken family or how he thought his prick was larger than others. How that topic came up, I don't know. All I was sure about was I never asked about it and all I did was only listen. All of these things I knew the first time I met him.

After playing billiards, we also walked around downtown Baguio. We went to Burnham Park, ate street food in Harrison and Mabini, window-shopped at the boutiques in Session, and bought some toiletries at Baguio Centermall (SM was not yet around at that time). It was fun and although I did most of the listening in our conversations, I think we hit it off instantly.

Bromance wasn't coined yet during that time and if it were, we would have been the perfect example. We kind of became famous in the dormitory because of our "relationship". A few weeks into our stay in the dormitory, we already shared our food together. We took showers together, so that part about his dick he was bragging about was right after all. We also even slept on a bed together. We could no longer hide everything from each other, We were inseparable. Had it not been for our respective girlfriends, we would've been tagged as fags. We were like siblings. I was the older brother he never had and he was the younger brother I wished I had.

Just like any typical teenaged boys, we both wanted to always have a good time. For me, good time meant partying with friends at a local bar. For him, good time meant partying harder even at the comfort of our own dorm room. It was always easier for us to sneak in booze than to sneak out of the dorm after curfew hours.

Getting drunk became a habit for both of us. Our roommates would in turn make it a habit to pull pranks on us when we're whacked. We'd both wake up the next morning full of permanent ink all over our bodies and faces. There were also times when we'd wake up shivering with all our clothes and blankets missing. Such antics made both of us the adorable and cute resident butt of all jokes.

One time, after a night of beer guzzling, Jun and I arrived home seeing our roommates and another friend from the other room already sleeping. Going by the stale smell of mixed alcohol and nicotine inside the room, it's easy to conclude that these guys were dead drunk too. The guy from the other room was occupying my bed. Sharing a single bed with guys in the dorm is normal, but at that time I couldn't squeeze in my bed because the guy was 6 foot-fat. I could barely move his arms. So, Jun shared his bed with me.

Since all the people inside were all drunk, I thought I could safely sleep and didn't have to worry about anything the next morning. I was wrong. What happened next was something I'll never forget.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Flesh Trade

I've been wanting to tell one of my secrets that not everyone knows about.

Sabi ni Roy Baumeister et. al., ang kakayahang pigilin ang sarili ay isang ugaling maaaring maubos. No matter how hard we try to control ourselves to avoid certain things, when our willpower gets depleted, we eventually give in.

Tulad ngayon, pinipigilan kong magsulat ng tungkol sa tawag ng laman yamang kasisimula pa lang ng apatnapung araw (actually 46) ng pagtitika bago ipagdiwang ng sangkatolikohan ang Pasko ng Pagkabuhay. But what can you expect? Tao lang ako't ubos na ang aking self-control.

When I say "tawag ng laman", yun ay ang pangangalakal ng laman. Tama, flesh trade.

Yes,naranasan ko nang magbenta ng laman. Nagsimula ako noong ako'y trese pa lang. May tita ako na ganitong linya ang ikinabubuhay. Siya ang nagtulak sa aking pumasok sa ganitong uri ng kalakalan. Sabi niya mas maigi daw na mamulat ako ng maaga sa ganitong buhay.

Noong umpisa, mahirap. Ramdam ko pa kasi yung hiya, lahat kasi ng kasamahan ko macho't matitipuno. Ano na lang panama ng isang binatilyong lampayatot kapag naihilera kasabay ng mga lalaking ito? Bihasa na din sa sales talk yung mga nauna sa akin - konting akbay, konting biro benta agad! Ako, isang tanong, isang sagot lang, walang ka-PR PR.

The flesh trade is a very dirty business. Marami din akong nakilalang tulad kong bata na nasabak ng maaga sa ganitong uri ng trabaho. The younger the better sabi nila. Mas bata mas mabenta, hindi maikakailang kaming mga bata ang center of attraction. Bago kasi kami sa mata ng mga regular na patron ng lugar na yun. Parang silang mga ibong mandaragit na handang lapain ang mga musmos at bubot naming katawan. Nakakatakot sila.

Eventually, sa tulong na rin ng mga kasamahan at ng tita ko. Natuto akong lunukin ang kung anumang hiya, pride o takot sa katawan ko. Hindi ko din ikakailang nakatulong ang malaking perang kinikita ko sa apat na oras na trabaho para makalimutang madumi ang pinasukan ko.

Lahat ng uri ng tao naging customer ko, nariyan ang mga effeminate gays, mga tipong office girls na edukada. Pero, kadalasan kong customers noon ay mga matatandang babae. Yung mga tipong hindi na maitatago ng sanlibong paligo yung amoy alimuom na lumalabas sa katawan nila. Maliban sa kanila, meron ding mangilan ngilang lalakeng customer. Yung mga hindi mo aakalaing dumadayo din sa ganoong lugar. Straight na straight kumbaga. Madalas yung mga uri pa nila ang malakas tumawad pagdating sa presyuhan. Hindi ko na inalintana yun, basta may pera, ayos lang.

Magulo at madugo ang mundong saglit kong ginalawan. Dito ko nakitang magsaksakan ang dalawa kong kasamahan dahil lamang sa agawan ng customer. Sa murang edad na trese, namulat ako sa ganitong mundo. Pero marami akong natutunan. Dito ko nasimulang magtiwala sa power ng self-confidence. Hindi ako bebenta kung hindi ako magtitiwala sa kakayanan kong magbenta. Natuto akong makisalamuha sa lahat ng tao, natuto akong makinig sa mga kuwentong kanilang binabahagi. Natuto din akong makisama. Mahirap na, baka ako pa ang sumunod na magripuhan.

Kahit bata akong nasabak sa tawag ng laman, ayos lang. Kahit na madumi, mahirap, nakakatakot, magulo at madugo ang ganitong trabaho ay maraming bagay akong natutunan. Mga bagay na malamang ay hindi ko mauunawaan saan man. Kaya kung ako'y pagpipiliin, gugustuhin ko pa ring maranasan ang magbenta ng laman.
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Ng baboy, baka at manok. Sa palengke of course. Hindi kami illegal vendor no!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Tungkol sa Akin

Wala akong maisip na mga parirala para makabuo ng isang magandang pangungusap para sa mga susunod na letrang aking isusulat. Gusto ko lamang makagawa ng isang piyesang makapagbibigay ng isang payak na pagsusuma sa aking mga katangian. Nakalahad sa listahan sa ibaba ang ilan sa mga ugaling aking taglay:


1. Hindi talaga ako makata. Trip ko lang isulat sa aking lingua franca ang piyesang ito. Besides, naubusan na ako ng Ingles dahil sa huling post ko. Pero, actually, sadyang limitado lamang talaga ang aking bokabularyo sa banyagang wika. True!

2. Hindi ako palabasa ng mga nobela. Sa talambuhay ko, tatlo pa lang ang uri ng babasahing ito na natapos ko. Namely: Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code, Erich Segal's Doctors, and Ricky Lee's Para kay B.

3. Isang beses lang ako nagkaroon ng talaarawan. I was sixteen going on seventeen when I had my first one. Sa awa ng Diyos, naging gabay yung journal na yun ng aking pinsan para maging isa siyang magaling na manunulat at kartunista ngayon dahil yun mismo ang una niyang ginawang sketch pad noong siya'y maliit pa. Mabuti na yun, kesa dingding namin ang sinulatan niya.

4. Sabi ng mga nakakakilala sa akin, magaling daw akong magluto. Specialty ko ang mga Filipino dishes na merong tomato sauce tulad ng menudo na siya ring pangalan ng isang boy band noong dekada otsenta. Sabi ni Mrs Erabagon, teacher ko noong kinder, kamukha ko daw si Ricky Martin. Kauri ko din siya I say.

5. Mahilig ako sa sports, pero hindi ako magaling. Nasubukan kong mag table tennis, badminton, swimming, volleyball, basketball. May mga non-olympic sports din akong nasubukan tulad ng bowling, billiards, darts, at chess. Given the chance, gusto ko matuto ng surfing, lawn tennis at soccer. I'd like to try triathlon at dragon boat racing too.

6. Mahilig ako sa mga walang katuturang impormasyon A.K.A. trivias. Alam kong hindi lang mga tao ang marunong sa oral sex. Ginagawa rin ito ng mga cheetah, hyenas at kambing.

7. "Bahala ka na, malaki ka na." ang kadalasan kong sagot sa mga kaibigang humihingi ng payo sa kanilang mga buhay-buhay. Paniniwala ko kasi na kahit na anong pangaral ang gawin ko sa kanila, at the end of the day, desisyon pa din nila ang masusunod. Kapag sablay ang desisyon nila, hindi ako magdadalawang isip na sabihing "Tangeks! Lika nga, hug kita".

8. Madali akong mairita sa cliffhanger ng mga TV series kaya pinapatapos ko muna ang season bago ko panoorin ng buong buo ang Fringe, Glee, at The Big Bang Theory.

9. Kailangan muna lumubog ang araw bago ako lumabas ng bahay kasama ng mga kaibigan. Ayokong ma-sunburn. Pero ang totoo, sinumpa kasi ako ni Inang Kalikasan ng hyperhydrosis at sa takipsilim lamang hindi grabe ang sumpang ito.

10. Bilang diwatang isinumpang maging isang mortal na pawisin, madalas ay inaasam ko ring makabalik at manirahan sa kahariang pinagmulan ng aking Ina - sa Pangasinan. Doon kasi ay masamyo ang simoy ng hangin at musika ang pagaspas ng mga matatayog na puno ng indian mango, grapefruit, jackfruit, sinigwelas, kamachile at aratilis. Sa bawat pagdampi ng hangin sa aking maselang balat, napapawi nito ang pawis na kaakibat ng aking sumpa.


Wala na akong ibang maisip na pang-uring maglalarawan sa aking pagkatao kaya iiwan ko muna sa sampu ang mga bagay na makapagbibigay buhay sa akin - si Mark Joe ang huling inosenteng nilalang.

Monday, February 20, 2012

HB 3596

The country's sunshine industry may never see the light of day when a bill in the US congress gets enacted.

House Bill 3596, also known as the Bishop Bill, or the "US Call Center and Consumer Protection Bill" introduced by Rep. Tim Bishop, seeks to discourage outsourcing of US companies by restricting federal assistance like loans and grants and imposing a $10,000 penalty per day if these companies won't bring back call center jobs in the US.

It isn't a surprise that American legislators propose such measures given that the unemployment rate in the US is alarming. Additionally, it is the election season there, these congressmen and senators would do everything to make their names as rosy as the blooms in Pasadena, or as big as the balloons of Macy's. It brings no surprise that these legislators would protect their constituents whole-heartedly, or with otherwise ulterior benefits for themselves.

Our country's political and business leaders think that the proposed measure won't advance, that it will just remain a bill. After all, they believe that it will be the US conglomerates themselves who will lobby against its passage. They believe that outsourcing is practical. I agree.

But, what if?

If this bill gets enacted, what will happen to me and the other half a million Filipinos who have made this type of employment our bread and butter? I can't blame the US from taking care of their own workforce, but what is our own government doing to make sure that we get a steady and sustainable source of income?

Just believing that the bill won't become a law because others will do the lobbying for our own government doesn't sit well with me. What happens to the belief if the bill gets passed? Nganga na lang tayo?

I know that it does no good to just rely my career's fate on the government but it pays to know that our leaders are doing something to prevent the bill's passage, or at least mitigate the sure impact to us just in case it becomes a law. I'm not asking the government to turn the heavens upside down. I don't want them to bully a bully. I just want them to at least lend an ear and assure me that I'm in good hands and that they are doing something about this issue. That's it. I thank you.




PS

I need 500 cc O+ blood type to replace those I lost. Nosebleed!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Tanong ng Isang Gutom nA NilalanG

Lately, I've been bugged by a series of questions.

I've asked myself: Is it possible for a person to be inclined to evil in as much as he is predisposed to goodness?

Someone reminded me that there will always be two sides of the coin. Kung may girl may boy. May bakla may tomboy. May top may bottom. Surely there will be the good side and the bad side too.

I like to believe that I'm good. Naniniwala akong meron akong GMRC kahit na yun lang ang kaisa-isang subject sa elementary at highschool na may line of 7 ako.

Ngayon, mayroong kumakalog sa kaibuturan ng aking puso na maniwalang hindi lang kabutihan ang nananalaytay sa berde kong dugo.

Is this the beginning of a slow destruction to corruption?

Will I give in to temptation?

Shall I embrace the dark side?

Is it the last innocent man no more?

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

My Valentine's Day Ten Years Ago

Disclaimer: Hindi ako bitter sa araw na ito.

I just would like to write about the very first heartbreak I had with a partner that coincidentally happened on a Valentine's day.

Her name is Sandra, totoo niyang pangalan. Para maiba naman. Lagi na lang kaseng "not his/her real name" ang nababasa ko. Sa pangalan at panghalip pa lang na ginamit ko, alam nang bilat siya. Oo, isa siyang true-blooded pinay at hindi siya ambisyosa. May kipay talaga siya.

Anyways, Si Sandra ang una kong GF. Isa siya sa mga boarders sa tinirhan kong coed na dormitory sa Baguio. I was already staying at that dorm for a year when she moved in kasama ng ate niyang mukhang mangkukulam. Naaalala ko pa, bulung-bulungan sa dorm noon na hindi talaga sila magkapatid kase daw parang Batanes at Jolo ang distansiya ng itsura nila. Ang ate niya mangkukulam, siya diwata. Turned out, ako pala ang fairy. Choz!

Nung time na yun, si Sandra ang gabi gabing pantasya ng mga dormmates kong lalaki. Sexy kase siya, morena at makinis. Parang pandak na version lang ni ate Venus Raj. Noon, ang klase ko sa school was only until late in the afternoon. Siya umaabot yata ng 7PM. Tuwing dumadating siya sa dorm, nakikita ko siya kase tumatambay ako sa labas ng building para magyosi. I often catch her giving a second glance at me pag nasa may pinto na siya ng dorm. Maybe because I thought she hates it when people smoke in front of the dormitory. She didn't smoke. But I've got a more plausible explanation why, she envied the fact that I'm more gorgeous than her. Ching!

Dahil nga she was the in-house celebrity back then, I got interested. It became a habit for me to wait for her to arrive, and without fail, those second glances kept coming. Hanggang sa magkaroon ako ng lakas ng loob na sabihin ang napakahirap sabihing salita ng isang napakamahinhin at walang bahid dungis at landi na dalagang Pilipina - Hi!

Umabot sa punto na ang paghihintay sa labas ay may kaakibat ng chocolates at bulaklak courtesy of le moi! At dahil wala pang mga unlicalls, texts, FB, BBM, SEB, PNP, at kung anu ano pang acronyms noon, may kasama ding handwritten letters na bigay ko para sa kanya. Happy keps ako siya noon, laging basa tulad ng weather noong time na yun. Naging theme song nga namin ang Tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka kase sa tuwing magde-date kami kailangan kong magdala ng payong to keep us both dry sa wet weather.

It was all well for almost the entirety of the 6-month relationship. I was happy, I thought she was. I soon found out that she was getting chummy with one of the closest guy friends I had in that dorm, si Olan, tunay pa rin niyang pangalan. There were rumors that this guy friend was interested with her. At first I just shrugged it off because he was a good friend, and undeniebly Sandra's hot, so no man wouldn't be interested in her. More than that, I trusted my friend, and I trusted her.

Valentine's day 2002. At the last minute she cancelled our date. She needed to finish school requirements she said. She wouldn't be home that night. I was disappointed but what devastated me was when I received a text from another friend saying that she saw Sandra with Olan. The F di ba?

Tonight's weather is gloomy. That night's was too. I remember a slight drizzle. With just my phone, a couple of a thousand bucks, on flip flops, denim shorts and a red shirt, I aimlessly wandered around Baguio, literally.

Next thing I knew, I was on a bus headed for Nueva Ecija. I knew no one who lived in that place, but there I was on a bus going that route. That's when I noticed several missed calls and a very short text message from her.

"It's over." The text said.

The day after, while still in Nueva Ecija, I stumbled upon a place that had a butterfly sanctuary. At this point, my mind was still whack so I went in, and saw these creatures flapping their wings. A lady inside the garden shared to me a few notes on a butterfly's life cycle. According to her, these beautiful butterflies had to go through several stages shedding their old skin to become what they were when I saw them.

After that, I went back to Baguio, spiralled my life downward a bit, and when the pain was gone, eventually found another girlfriend. Yes, you heard it, another girlfriend.

Sampung taon na ang nakararaan. I still have trust issues, medyo mahirap traydorin ng mga taong pinagkatiwalaan ko. Pero I've learned my lesson. Yun ang importante.

10 years after, naiisip ko ngayon na hindi lang din naman siguro puro kay Sandra ang sisi kung bakit kami nagkahiwalay. Siguro may mga pagkukulang ako sa kanya. Hindi ko siguro naipadama sa kanya na hindi lang Valentine's day ang dapat special, dapat everyday. Kaya yang Valentine's day na yan shouldn't be a red-letter day for partners, dahil everyday should be a holiday pagdating sa mga puso! Again, I'm saying this not because I'm bitter or single. Atchaka, bakit ako magiging bitter? Eh haller? tulad ng mga paru-paro sa garden na nakita ko, I've already shed my old skin noh. Hindi na ako Lalake. Babae na ako! Charot!=)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Friday, February 10, 2012

To Whom It May Concern

Naiinggit ako kila Travis at Jepoy sa mga sulat na ginawa nila para sa partners nila. Inggit din ako kase single ako ngayong araw ng mga puso. Wala akong pagsusulatan ng ganun gustuhin ko mang gumawa ng ganung kasu-sweet na mga sulat. Pero dahil inggitera ako at na-inspire ako, gugustuhin ko pa ding sumulat to whoever that one may be that I'm destined to share my life with. Travis at Jepoy, salamat po sa pagbibigay inspirasyon.

__________


To whom it may concern,
My babe,


I am Mark your soon-to-be partner in life. You may not know me yet and I may not know you yet too but I'm sure the universe will play its role as our fairy godmother and bring us together to live our happily ever after.

Just like old fairy tales, Our life together, at the start, may have its share of trials and difficulties but as we go along I am positive that we will work things out. We will have misunderstandings but eventually we will compromise. We will make mistakes and apologize for them. We will forgive.

I can't promise to provide you with anything and everything that your heart desires but I assure you that I will try my best, for your happiness. You will be my happiness and I will give my best to keep you, my happiness, happy.

To some, our story might not be as colorful or as lovely as those novels we read today. I don't care. For me, our love story will be the greatest masterpiece ever written and I will share this masterpiece only with you.

I know we will share a lot of experiences. We will travel together. We will laugh and cry together. You will teach me how to drive. I will teach you how to ride a bike. You will meet my family, I will meet yours. I will propose. You will say yes. We will have kids. A lot of them.

This early, I would like to thank you for all that you will let me experience with you. I am still here because of you. You are my life. I will cease to exist without you. I love you. Whoever you may be.



Your babe,


Mark Joe

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Page 38 of 366

For the past three days, I've been feeling sick. I had a low grade fever last night. I wanted to write and think of happy thoughts despite this stupid headache and runny nose I have, so here I am typing away my thoughts.

My tummy twinges and every morning for the past couple of days, I feel like barfing. Oh gawd! This can't be it, I'm not pregnant! I'm not yet ready. Ayoko pa maging batang ina!

Tanga! Unang una bakit ka mabubuntis? May matres ka ba? Sabi ni Stephen, my friend.

Kung maka-tanga lang wagas, pero may point siya. Besides, I'm sure I used protection the last time. So cannot be.

A friend, who's in the medical field also mentioned that what I'm experiencing at the moment are the effects of what I'm doing right now. I'm quitting smoking, for the nth time. Naalala ko nga, I get sick whenever I try to stop.

Now I ask myself. What are the rewards of quitting? I could think of several benefits. A healthier lifestyle, reduced chances of getting the big C, which the family has a history of, more savings since I don't have to buy cigarettes anymore. The list goes on.

Why can't I stop the habit completely then? I don't know. Maybe because someone hasn't promised yet to give me the reward I really, really wanted for quitting.

Ano yun?
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Hello Kitty Muscle Shirt.
Size zero, yung pink.