Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Meet McCoi

Can't stop thinking about you.
Shet, miss na kita!
Dad ingat ka po. Wag ka maaaksidente ha? Gusto pa kita makita ng buo.
Dad iniisip po kita ngayon. Sana kasama kita nanonood ngayon.
Gusto po talaga kita maembrace.
Gago ka! Ikaw na naman iniisip ko!
Dad, Lagi kita gusto makasama.
I will think of you when a sleep tonight.
Dad, Don't leave me.

The list goes on. Kilig moments na naman! But this time, Kilig ako with someone I haven't met personally yet. We're what most people call online lovers.

He's a friend of a friend. Although out na ako sa opisina at naging flavor for the month of September, I've never been out to friends. Si McCoi and dahilan kung bakit namukadkad na naman ang tagong bulaklak ko sa harap ni Mae, ang kaibigan ko na kaibigan nya din. Buti na lang babaeng bakla si Mae at immune s'ya sa mga ganitong pagkakataon.

Kaedad ko si McCoi and we both look old for our age, ako madaming wrinkles, s'ya balding.
Unang impression ko sa kanya: Cute, parang ako. Haba ng hair ko nung in-add nya ako as friend. Medyo nagulat lang dahil connected kami kina Khaye at Mae. Lagot ako! Naaalala ko din yung unang message nya sa facebook account ko. Nagpakilala s'ya as partner ng isang recently added pepper friend. Hmm, something's brewing kunak ("I said"in Ilocano).

This happened while I was happily losing weight and getting older with Rey. So, deadma lang ang lola mo. Ayoko na makipaglandian.

I added him to my friend list still, because at the back of my mind, I was thinking, we were going through the same hell, and he's a friend of a friend ( so much of the small world poop).

Just recently, when i was already back at my lightest, we started chatting, texting and talking to each other. Nag Cam2Cam na din kami( wholesome to! promise!).

I started to like a person at a time when I thought I needed someone else. Akala ko ang moving on process will take months. It'd take me exactly 8 days lang pala to realize that I had been investing emotions to the wrong person. "Love doesn't get you miserable". " Love isn't necessarily all about sacrifices: I remember.

Once again,like with the past partners I had, I don't know why I'm drawn towards him. But this time, I won't exhaust all effort to know why. I'd just simply enjoy each moment with him (at least for now through cyberspace).

I don't really know much about McCoi. He is a different person everyday, and I like it that way. Kahit na alam kong he's dying to hear that he's gorgeous, with a to die for pair of dimples, I won't label him as cute, or smart, or funny. He is his own being. He is who he is. And I love him for that.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

3rd Party Calling

I didn't know how I started to like you, much more when I started to love you. I didn't know how and why I fell for you.

At a time that I was no longer looking for love, you came. You sent a single text quote for me, Obviously, it has been forwarded since I have received it from countless people. But it is with you when it made sense.

"Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love,
because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall."

Like this message, i just fell. Everything became right. I just fell.

But like every story, there has to be an ending. I still don't know how to put an end to this. Do I let you go when I know that from the start you were never really solely mine? Do I hold on to something that's bound to end?

With you, I fell. It is with you I fell. Hard. Head first.

Saturday, November 7, 2009


I need to clear my mind. I'll type away everything.
Earlier, I just got confirmation that I've been certified, meaning I'm reemployed.

For the past 6 weeks, certification has always been my goal. This goal took about 7 pounds off of my weight (balik malnourished na naman ako). Now that I achieved my goal, I feel like this was never really what I wanted.

I need this but I feel I need something bigger, grander. I need someone to share kinds of achievements like this to share with.
Yesterday, I never thought I couldn't be any angrier. I was trembling. I felt like my muscles had their own thoughts. I wanted the trembling to stop but I couldn't.
Last night, I got certified.
Last night, I got dissed.

Last night, I was happy
but deep inside I was sad.
I don't know if I'm making sense.
I can't clear up my mind.
Rey, I love you. and it fucking hurts...

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Like Insomnia

I can't sleep.

Is it because he's thinking of me?
Or I'm just thinking of him?

I bet my life on this, I know the answer.
I'm just afraid to admit.