Siguro sa title at intro pa lang alam na kung ano ang aking ikukuweto sa araw na ito. Dahil naikuwento ko na ang unang pagdampi ng aking mga labi sa isang naghuhumindig na tit*, ang isasalaysay ko naman ngayon ay ang sakit na idinulot sa akin ng unang pagkakataon nang
Masakit pala talaga siya. Malamang dahil nakapaskil sa pintong yun ay "Exit", hindi "Entrance". Dahil sadya din akong hindi stereotypical, hinayaan kong magpapasok sa lugar na hindi naman talaga natural na pinapasukan. At kahit hindi ko man totoong gusto, wala akong nagawa dahil mahina ako. When barbells, dumbells and weights were still foreign to me, I was just a skinny twink. Para lang akong tuyot na dahon na konting ihip lang ng hangin eh liliparin na agad.
I met John on one of the mobile chat services a phone company offers. We traded numbers and MMS's, and both agreed that we passed each other's standards. After a few days of sweet and chummy exchange of messages, we decided to personally meet. At first I felt akward because he wasn't the "manly" person I pictured him to be. Sure he was tall and muscular and all, but there was still something wrong. I guess it was with the way he talked and carried himself. I don't know. He was a bit too "faggy" for me. Homophobia is so gay ain't it?
It was a bit of a surprise for me to have accepted his offer to hang out at his place after a brief stroll in Luneta. Yes, tama ang nabasa niyo, jologs na kung jologs. Trip ko eh, wala namang basagan. Going on, Maybe because it was my first time to meet a guy and I was still not comfortable being seen with one who, for me, looked too effeminate. Maybe I wanted us to just be cooped up in a private place where no one can see us. Maybe because I liked the way our conversations went, or maybe I was just, ironically, too horny. I don't know.
We continued our conversation when we arrived at his pad. I didn't know how the topic was opened but I started sharing to him how inexperienced I was with man-to-man hoorays. Birhen pa talaga ako noon, pramis! I think I told him that I haven't been entered through the backdoor. Maybe that was his cue. That night, he turned a girl into one beautiful lady.
Unlike sa first experience ko, this time no alcohol was involved, so lahat ng sensasyon at kahayukang nangyari ay aware ako.
Aware ako kung paano niya pinilit na hubarin ang damit ko.
Aware ako kung paano maghabol ng hininga matapos ka sakalin ng may 5 minute interval.
Aware ako kung paano ako magmakaawang ayoko na dahil masakit.
Aware din ako kung paano sabihan ng masasamang salita habang tinitira't sinasampal-sampal. Di ko nga lang nabilang kung ilang beses akong nasabihan ng word na "puta".
Aware ako na hindi "beautiful lady" ang kalalabasan ko, "battered lady" na.
Most importantly, Aware din ako sa sinabi ko matapos akong babuyin. "Your turn".
He declined. Malaki daw kasi. Compared sa kanya, oo. Umuwi ako noong masakit ang puwet at puson.
What have I learned from this? It was the realization that I truly belong. Bakla nga ako. Nagustuhan ko kasi yung experience. Yun lang.