The First Time I Lost My Innocence (Part 3)

Part 1
Part 2

I felt being flushed by one full pail of cold Baguio water with ice upon hearing that voice. Hearing that voice was normally heaven for me, but at that time I didn't want the angel to see me in such an akward position.

I immediately got up and asked her why she was there. Girls weren't allowed to be in any of the boy's rooms "by rule".

I asked permission don't worry. She whispered.

She must have seen that look in my face. She knew I felt worried. But not for being reprimanded by our landlord because of her presence in that restricted area. I was worried she might see Jun naked. Hugging while sleeping between "brothers" was acceptable, but hugging while sleeping naked wasn't. Thank god for the blankets. That-which-should-not-be-seen wasn't seen.

I put on the first basketball shorts and hooded jacket I grabbed,held her waist and Immediately whisked her away from that room.

Over lunch that she prepared for us and her evil witch sister, I ate quietly. Despite her repetitive queries why I had a bluish patch of skin around that small cut and inspite of her attempts at cracking jokes and making me smile, I just shrugged and didn't budge. She asked me if there was a problem. I answered in the affirmative.

Hangover hon. I uttered.

She told me that she'll sneak me inside their room and take care of me there. A good idea, I thought. At least I'd be out of Jun's sight for probably the remainder of the day, or until the next day. That would give me time to think things through.

Her bed smelled different. It was pleasant, had a whiff of lavander. Laying there being taken cared of by my girlfriend was calming. It temporarily hid the confusion I felt that morning. I kept reminding myself that I loved her and that she was everything to me. That helped.

We cuddled, ransacked her sister's stash of junk foods. Her sister could only sigh out of bitterness. We cuddled again. We had a pillow fight. I'd let her pillow hit my head so she could kiss the area affectionately, except the wound of course. Kisses flew all over, and I'd catch every one she blew. She'd nurse my wound with a dripping cotton ball soaked in betadine. She'd blow kisses again. I'd catch them all again. We were so happy.

Just like all the times we dated, it rained again that night. The rain was pounding, its drops were like pieces of pebbles banging against the tin roof of the building, they were like bullets being fired at us. The rain wanted war. I needed peace. That peace I got when Sandra started humming our song as she hugged me tighter and rested her head on my chest.

Minsan pa ulan bumuhos ka, Huwag nang tumigil pa...

I felt so safe. I kissed her hair and I whispered something.

I Love You. Will you stay?

It's as if the rains drowned out the shouting confusion infecting me. Its plea to burst and bring me to perdition fell on deaf ears. Nobody heard it, not even me. For in that moment I could only hear heaven because she was with me. There was nothing to worry about because I was assured that the next morning would come and everything would all be the same.

The dawn arrived and the rain had stopped. Everything and everyone was all the same - Sandra, her evil true sister, Jun, the dormitory, my roomates - except me. However I tried to paint a typical picture of myself I knew deep inside, that behind all this was a damaged facade. I could never be myself again. I was already broken.


The end.