I may have had one too many that night. I remember not talking to anyone anymore when we arrived home. I immediately headed for my bunker. When I saw that my bed was occupied, I tried to squeeze in but our friend was as heavy as a log. So, I jumped over to Jun's bed and hit the sack at once. I didn't know if I had my blanket to keep me warm, never knew if I removed my shoes or changed clothes either.
Then my dreams began.
The sequence was sketchy, and the first thing I remembered was that I heard a commotion and saw a group of strangers bunched around something lying in the middle of the road.
I looked to see around. It was dark. It was cold but it wasn't piercing. I felt a wisp of warm air touching my neck and an arm wrapped around my bare chest. I blinked.
When I opened my eyes, I started walking to where the commotion was. As I came near, it became apparent that the one slumped on the ground wasn't a something, but a someone - a lifeless someone. Something inside was telling me that I knew who the person was. I became uneasy, my heart started to race. I closed my eyes.
When I reopened my eyes. It became dark again. But at that moment, it didn't feel cold anymore. The mild breeze brushing my neck started to move up my chin, then to my lips, and it abruptly stopped. My heartbeat was at its fastest. I was out of breath and grasping for air. It was difficult to move for the arm wrapped around my chest was replaced by a warmer and heavier figure on top of me. I kept my eyes shut.
The anxiety was replaced by fear when I came closer to the unfortunate victim. I couldn't contain the shock when I saw who the victim was. I was right. It was Jun. Tears swelled in my eyes. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. As I slowly closed my eyes, the tears fell. I didn't have the strength to open my eyes. I was afraid. The gentle wind caressing me changed to a flaming storm, a fiery tumult that slowly consumed me. The tempest had a silhouette. I couldn't move. The shadow pressed itself against me and encroached my being. I was trapped.
I wanted to shout for me and for my lifeless friend but all that's coming out were only stifled screams of defeat. When everone walked away from us, I mustered enough will to fight the one that beat me. Without notice, I turned over and pinned the figure down. I drew even more strength from the muffled pleas he uttered. I became the master and this soul, my slave. I avenged my loss. I redeemed myself. It was over.
And then I woke up.
As I unclosed my eyes, I saw the rising sun peering through our window. I observed the room, my friends were still all dead drunk and soundly sleeping. I tried to stand but the effects of the alcohol from the night before was still overwhelming. I turned to my side to figure out what my dream's meaning was. I felt cold so I pulled the sheets upto my head, saw Jun's shirtless back and his gleaming set of buns from under the blanket. I was there beside him, completely naked too.
It hit me. It wasn't all a dream.
A flurry of questions crossed my mind. Why did it happen? Why did I let that happen? Was it because of the alcohol? How am I gonna face my girlfriend? What if my roommates saw it? What will they think of me? Am I gay?
I've never felt so confused in my life. I just couldn't make sense of what just happened. No matter how hard I tried to answer every question that came into my mind, questions would just keep piling up. I gave up. It was unbearable.
I was able to find my boxers underneath the sheets. I put it on, ran towards the wall, I mean the kitchen, then puked. The spirit that possessed me the night before might have been so devilishly laughing upon seeing me so disheveled and nursing a small cut to my brow. I cleaned up, took a shower and went back to our room. They were all still sleeping. I curled up beside him. Hugged him and fell asleep. I liked it.
The next thing I felt was him hugging me, a pair of hands pulling my arm and a voice prodding me to get up. It wasn't his, It was Sandra's.
The First Time I lost My Innocence (Part 1)