Monday, January 30, 2012

Si Uno: An Introduction

"Room 206, sir."

Just as the receptionist handed over the key, I couldn't contain myself from chuckling. It's not because of what might and can happen when I and Ron, the kinky bus daddy, enter the room. It's because of what has already happened to me inside that very same room.

Yes, I've been in that room before. Not once, not twice.

Since I haven't watched Wong Kar Wai's Happy Together yet, my lips are still sealed on what really transpired between me and Ron. What I'll share though is about Uno, my first boyfriend.

His name is appropriate because I became exposed to a lot of firsts with him. He was there when I first travelled on air. It was with him when I first experienced how it is to have a real gay relationship.

For the first time, in public, I got to lock hands with a man. I learned to somehow let go of my inhibitions and express how I really feel.

I also got a taste of some not so cool and dandy firsts when we were together. Had a very public spat with him. I cheated. Inspite and despite of these, I learned.

I learned how it is to depart from monotony and become a bit more spontaneous, adventurous. Before, I was shy, reserved. With him I became more alive - ready to try out new things and experiences.

I discovered Pares in Retiro because of him.

And with him I discovered







Sogo Banawe.



Room 206

To be continued..

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Sa Isang Kasalan

Just 3 weeks ago my older brother got married. I was the bestman.

Aangal sana ako kasi gusto ko bridesmaid pero sa side pala ng bilat yun kinukuha.

Besides, I got to enjoy the role of being the groom's right hand. Over the course of the preparation, I was able to help in anyway I can. Financially, I was able to give a bit. I picked up the wedding invitations from the printing shop and hand-delivered some to relatives in Baguio and Pangasinan. That's all I could do leading up to my brother's big day since I was still employed at that time.

The wedding was set in Caleruega, Calatagan, Batangas.

My brother has taste.

He chose the most romantic venue to wed the lady of his dreams. The chapel sits atop the highest point in Caleruega and from there you will see a vast melody of sky, trees and hills of Batangas. Since the wedding was held in the morning, when we arrived there, the clouds were still just within reach, the gentle Amihan breeze too touched everone.

The hills are alive, with the sound of music...

I feel like singing and running that vast expanse of hills with joy, I could really feel that this is where forevers should begin.

Before the ceremony started, I was observing my brother. Was he excited? Scared? I bet he was. Going by how his voice cracked when he said he's trembling.

This is it.

With an unusual sparkle in his eyes, he said those few words right before he took his bride to the altar. As he took her hand from her parents. I could see that he was deeply happy and despite the pre-ceremony jitters, he was ready. After all, he's 33. close to DOM-hood, less the money.

He was the most handsome groom for the most beautiful bride. He found THE one.

It was not long after the ceremony and reception was over that I found myself asking myself a few questions. Maybe it was because of the feel of the union itself that I asked myself these questions.

When will I get to experience this?

Will I be able to find THE one?

Will THE one be a he, or a she?

I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

How I Came Out To My Family

2009 nung mag-out ako sa mga kaibigan ko. I've blogged about the first few times I came out to friends, but I never really had the chance to write about how I came out to my parents.

Although I think my older brother already had a clue about my sexuality, I never really confirmed to him, even denied, na berde ang kulay ng dugo ko, tulad ng kulay ng blog na ito.
For a refresher, Click here.

Since birth, ako na ang ulirang anak. Hindi ko sinuway ang anumang utos ng aking mga magulang. They never really had a problem raising me as a child. May medalya sila tuwing March courtesy of me. Hindi ako sumali ng sorrority fraternity kahit bountiful sila sa kinalakihan ko dito sa ghetto. Although I admit that I gave in to some peer pressure. Kung si Erich ay nabuntis nung katorse siya, natuto akong manigarilyo sa edad na ito. Teen angst maybe. But other than that, I grew up well mannered. Thanks to my family's conservative catholic upbringing

Since I was already out to some friends. It was a matter of time, I guess, that I come out of the closet to my family.

That time came. December 31st 2009. I guess the date was appropriate, the dawn of a new era kumbaga. Magiging isa na akong free paru-paro. But the strength I could muster was only to write a letter to mudrakels.

That night I had to work kase nga isa akong call center agent. So, I left the note somewhere in the house. That night too, I decided to bring with me my backpack with some clothes because I'd be moving to Baguio "permanently".

Naalala ko pa yung kabog ng dibdib ko pati na yung pawis na dumadaloy sa pasmado kong kamay.

Nay, alis na po ako.

Siguro napansin ni nanay na out of the ordinary ang paalam ko kaya nakita niya agad siguro yung sulat sa ilalim ng tapete ng TV stand.

Mahaba-haba din yung sulat pero the gist was:

Dear nanay,

Bading po ako at enclosed sa sulat na ito ang 1x1 picture ng jowa ko.


Nasaan na kaya yung sulat?

Monday, January 23, 2012

Past, Present, Future

After abdicating my throne to the new queen na hindi naman kagandahan, TV guestings and appearances now come by few and far in between. Dahil diyan, I'm contemplating of doing a make over. A revamp of the old package.

While thinking over this overhaul I'm planning, may nakapagsabi din sa akin na in order to have a successful career in the future, I have to:

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
-Albert Einstein.

Idol ko siya dati. Since I was a fan, I tried to be like him and took Physics in Diliman. Later on, I realized that queens didn't have locks like his, so I decided to move out of QC and took the course my parents wanted me to take, Biology, the study of bisexuality.


I Liked the program. I did a lot of experiments. With girls, boys, bakla, except tomboys.

Pero dahil sa nawalan si fudrakels ng source of income, natigil ang aking pag-aaral at may I enter ako sa corporate world.

Kahit na college undergraduate ako, I was fortunate to land a job and at the same time able to continue my experiments. This is where I was able to formulate a conclusion: Isa akong muher.

Fearing eternal damnation and excommunication just like them old and revolutionary scientists during the Renaissance, I kept the truth to myself. At para mas effect ang pagbabalatkayo, I even dated a few more bilats along the way.

For a while, I thought I was happy but eventually the guilt from the pretension I was doing took over and I went back to my old gay ways. When I got overwhelmed and needed help, someone advised me that:

The past is not a package one can lay away.
- Emily Dickinson

Ganda ng apelyido niya no? Reminds me of something. Hihi

I couldn't hide from my past, I'd better accept it. Dilemma fixed. So from then I resolved to myself that I'd only date men.

Bi now, gay later.
- Anonymous

Ayoko nang maging tibo.


Kahit tapos na ang reign ko, kahit branded as a has-been, classic naman ang beauty ko. Kahit malapit na mawala sa kalendaryo ang edad ko, nasa Bingo card pa naman, kaya keri lang. Go lang.

There's still hope for tomorrow.

Kung Hei Fat Choi!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Fellow Beauty Queen

Because I cant get over Ms. Chuniverse's recent blog update and since it's already past 4 in the morning and I can't sleep, I decided to read more of his/her posts. True enough, she's hilariously funny. I wish she's someone I know personally.

While browsing through the posts, a character reminded me of someone equally hilarious. She has the same occupation with her. This person I know in turn is connected to someone I met before.

But enough of that, and of the writing-in-English stuff. I wanted to sleep, wait:

Gusto ko na matulog!

Dahil high na ako sa katatawanan, at nagwawander na din ang pag-iisip ko, nag-quarter turn na din ang leeg ko to the right. There I saw the blog's list of followers. "Mga Fellow Beauty Queens" it says.

Tama siya. Isa ako sa mga fellow beauty queens niya. Siya ang Miss Universe. Ako ang Miss Earth.

Dahil celebrating beauty and responsibility for the environment ang eksena ko, I wanted it be known that I'm against SM Baguio's plan to ball 180+ trees to erect a parking lot.

I'll just play someone else’s ball and make erect something else.


Naalala ko tuloy yung crowning moment ko. Surreal! It felt like the audience truly believed that I was the winner, that I was the fairest of them all. It was the best night of my life. I could hear friends cheering me on. I remember seeing flashes of lights from a sea of cameras. Glitter and glamor was all around. I was the single star that shone the brightest.

I beat 2 other contestants! Yey!

The prize was unbelievable, a gift certificate providing a 2-day stay for two in La Union. GC expires in two days mind you! I should've sued but it was all the organizers could afford. So off I went with McCoi that same night. Hindi ko naisama isa sa mga parents ko dahil wala sila noong coronation night. They didn't want their little lady be seen wearing only skimpy bikinis.

That same night din, I was uhm, devirginized.

Since hindi naman Miss Congeniality napanalunan ko. Kiber! Tsaka protected naman kaya I was sure hindi ako made-dethrone.

I was sure I wouldn't be dethroned. Sa akin lang ang korona.

I just realized na kailangan din pala ipasa ito.

I remember tears rolling down my cheeks when my name was announced the winner. My tears fell again when I turned over the crown. Ang chaka kase ng ichura nung papasahan ko. May puson! Sisikmuraan ko sana para umurong ng konti, kaso the coronation night was being aired live, so smile na lang ang lola mo.

Looking back, my reign was tough but it was fun.

That was a year ago.

Ngayon iba na ang Queen.

Tulad ng sinabi ko noong farewell walk ko:

"To you my successor, I wish you happiness and enjoy!".

While it lasts.