My Valentine's Day Ten Years Ago

Disclaimer: Hindi ako bitter sa araw na ito.

I just would like to write about the very first heartbreak I had with a partner that coincidentally happened on a Valentine's day.

Her name is Sandra, totoo niyang pangalan. Para maiba naman. Lagi na lang kaseng "not his/her real name" ang nababasa ko. Sa pangalan at panghalip pa lang na ginamit ko, alam nang bilat siya. Oo, isa siyang true-blooded pinay at hindi siya ambisyosa. May kipay talaga siya.

Anyways, Si Sandra ang una kong GF. Isa siya sa mga boarders sa tinirhan kong coed na dormitory sa Baguio. I was already staying at that dorm for a year when she moved in kasama ng ate niyang mukhang mangkukulam. Naaalala ko pa, bulung-bulungan sa dorm noon na hindi talaga sila magkapatid kase daw parang Batanes at Jolo ang distansiya ng itsura nila. Ang ate niya mangkukulam, siya diwata. Turned out, ako pala ang fairy. Choz!

Nung time na yun, si Sandra ang gabi gabing pantasya ng mga dormmates kong lalaki. Sexy kase siya, morena at makinis. Parang pandak na version lang ni ate Venus Raj. Noon, ang klase ko sa school was only until late in the afternoon. Siya umaabot yata ng 7PM. Tuwing dumadating siya sa dorm, nakikita ko siya kase tumatambay ako sa labas ng building para magyosi. I often catch her giving a second glance at me pag nasa may pinto na siya ng dorm. Maybe because I thought she hates it when people smoke in front of the dormitory. She didn't smoke. But I've got a more plausible explanation why, she envied the fact that I'm more gorgeous than her. Ching!

Dahil nga she was the in-house celebrity back then, I got interested. It became a habit for me to wait for her to arrive, and without fail, those second glances kept coming. Hanggang sa magkaroon ako ng lakas ng loob na sabihin ang napakahirap sabihing salita ng isang napakamahinhin at walang bahid dungis at landi na dalagang Pilipina - Hi!

Umabot sa punto na ang paghihintay sa labas ay may kaakibat ng chocolates at bulaklak courtesy of le moi! At dahil wala pang mga unlicalls, texts, FB, BBM, SEB, PNP, at kung anu ano pang acronyms noon, may kasama ding handwritten letters na bigay ko para sa kanya. Happy keps ako siya noon, laging basa tulad ng weather noong time na yun. Naging theme song nga namin ang Tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka kase sa tuwing magde-date kami kailangan kong magdala ng payong to keep us both dry sa wet weather.

It was all well for almost the entirety of the 6-month relationship. I was happy, I thought she was. I soon found out that she was getting chummy with one of the closest guy friends I had in that dorm, si Olan, tunay pa rin niyang pangalan. There were rumors that this guy friend was interested with her. At first I just shrugged it off because he was a good friend, and undeniebly Sandra's hot, so no man wouldn't be interested in her. More than that, I trusted my friend, and I trusted her.

Valentine's day 2002. At the last minute she cancelled our date. She needed to finish school requirements she said. She wouldn't be home that night. I was disappointed but what devastated me was when I received a text from another friend saying that she saw Sandra with Olan. The F di ba?

Tonight's weather is gloomy. That night's was too. I remember a slight drizzle. With just my phone, a couple of a thousand bucks, on flip flops, denim shorts and a red shirt, I aimlessly wandered around Baguio, literally.

Next thing I knew, I was on a bus headed for Nueva Ecija. I knew no one who lived in that place, but there I was on a bus going that route. That's when I noticed several missed calls and a very short text message from her.

"It's over." The text said.

The day after, while still in Nueva Ecija, I stumbled upon a place that had a butterfly sanctuary. At this point, my mind was still whack so I went in, and saw these creatures flapping their wings. A lady inside the garden shared to me a few notes on a butterfly's life cycle. According to her, these beautiful butterflies had to go through several stages shedding their old skin to become what they were when I saw them.

After that, I went back to Baguio, spiralled my life downward a bit, and when the pain was gone, eventually found another girlfriend. Yes, you heard it, another girlfriend.

Sampung taon na ang nakararaan. I still have trust issues, medyo mahirap traydorin ng mga taong pinagkatiwalaan ko. Pero I've learned my lesson. Yun ang importante.

10 years after, naiisip ko ngayon na hindi lang din naman siguro puro kay Sandra ang sisi kung bakit kami nagkahiwalay. Siguro may mga pagkukulang ako sa kanya. Hindi ko siguro naipadama sa kanya na hindi lang Valentine's day ang dapat special, dapat everyday. Kaya yang Valentine's day na yan shouldn't be a red-letter day for partners, dahil everyday should be a holiday pagdating sa mga puso! Again, I'm saying this not because I'm bitter or single. Atchaka, bakit ako magiging bitter? Eh haller? tulad ng mga paru-paro sa garden na nakita ko, I've already shed my old skin noh. Hindi na ako Lalake. Babae na ako! Charot!=)

Happy Valentine's Day!