Tita R

Hindi mo siguro alintana ngayon ang mga taong nakapalibot sa iyo sa mga oras na ito habang ikaw ay himbing na natutulog pero alam ko na alam mong wala silang hangad kundi ang mapabuti ang lagay mo.

Sa mga oras na ito, wala man ako sa tabi mo, sana malaman mo na isang parte ng puso ko ay nakalaan lamang para sa iyo. Isa ka sa mga taong humubog sa pagkatao ko. Ikaw ang kaisa-isang nilalang na ayaw akong maging kaliwete. Tanda ko ang pananakot mo na magiging masama ako kapag itinuloy ko ang pagsusulat sa kaliwang kamay. Tanda ko rin na ikaw ang pinakamadaldal na matanda sa tahanang kinalakihan ko. Lahat kasi napapansin mo. Halimbawa na diyan ang mga microscopic na alikabok na lagi mong winawalis pag dating mo galing sa eskuwelahang pinagtatrabahuhan mo.

Hindi ka man pinagkalooban ng isang anak na masasabi mong iyong iyo, alam ko na isa kang mabuting ina, dahil ramdam ko iyon mula sa iyo. Kahit na puro bunganga ang bungad mo sa akin at kay kuya, okay lang dahil kaakibat nito ang mga candy na kinumpiska mo sa mga pupils mo. Salamat din po sa libro ni Zaide na mula sa library ng school niyo na nagbigay sa akin ng makulay na imahinasyon tungkol sa kasaysayan ng bansa natin.

Alam ko po na hindi conjugal property ang pamanang bahay sa inyo ni lola Deliang kaya salamat po na sa akin niyo gusto ipamana ito. Pero hindi ko kailangan ito. Kayo po ang kailangan ko.

Nakakatuwang isipin na sa kabila ng inyong karamdaman, ipinakita niyo pa rin sa akin ang katatagan na hindi ko pa nakita sa kahit na sino man. Sa tulong ng Maykapal, malakas ang loob kong malalampasan niyo ang pagsubok na ito. Pero sana naman huwag niyo ring kalimutang alagaan minsan ang inyong katawan. Kapag may  nararamdaman na, magpatingin agad sa doktor para hindi na ulit umabot sa ganitong pagkakataon, Okay?

Mamayang hapon, dadaan ako diyan. Sana may epekto pa din ang anesthesia para groggy ka pa din at hindi mo ako ulit bungangaan. Pero sa totoo lang gusto ko maabutan kang tulog pa din para mahawakan ko ang iyong mga palad at mabulong sa iyo na mahal na mahal kita. Hindi ka kasi touchy.

Hindi ko man magawa ito mamaya, bilang hindi rin naman ako touchy tulad mo. Hayaan mo na lang na kahit dito sa blog na ito ay masabi ko ang tunay kong nararamdaman para sa iyo.

Tita, pagaling ka po ha? Huwag ka muna mawawala, hindi pa ako ready. Mahal na mahal po kita.

Sa Burnham Park

Naalala ko ang Burnham Park. Sa Burnham Park matao. Marami kang makikita dito lalo na pag weekend. Andyan ang mga maiingay na turistang camwhores, mga grupo ng highschool girls na parang may amorseko ang mga kipay kung makatili. Marami kang makikitang mga hip hop, punks, cowboys, pati na rin ang mga napag-iwanang retro. Hindi din mawawala sa Burnham ang mga joggers at taichi and aerobics enthusiasts

Siyempre regular din sa park na ito ang mga nagtitinda ng kung anu-anong may kinalaman sa strawberry. Hindi mawawala ang stalls ng strawberry jams at preserves, ang mga naglalako ng fresh strawberries, strawberry-shaped keychains, strawberry-flavored taho at strawberry-inspired shirts. Nakakatuwa lang kasi wala naman talagang strawberry farm sa Baguio, sa La Trinidad naman yun.

Normal na kalakaran na lang dito na makakita ng lovers na holding hands while walking. Sa Burnham makakakita ka ng perfect couple - mala-palitong lalaki at ang alaga niyang baboy girlfriend - perfect 10 right? Minsan naniniwala na din ako sa mga teleserye kasi dito mo makikita si senyorito kahawak-kamay si inday. True Love di ba?

Papahuli pa ba ang mga badette sa PDA sa burnham? Of course not! Madami ka ring makikitang mga lalaki that hold hands there. May mga out na nakakatatlong ikot na sa gilid ng lagoon eh hindi pa rin bumibitaw sa pagkakahawak sa mga kamay ng kanilang partner. Meron din namang mga barakong barako tignan na maghahawak kamay lang for just a blink of the eye. Saglit pero worth it.

Yun nga lang, although gay PDA is generally accepted ang tolerated here, You will never see anyone dare kiss their partners in public. Hindi mo sila makikitang naghahalikan sa Burnham.



Dahil yun ay makikita mo lang sa victory Liner Bus terminal.



Doon kasi kami nag-kiss ni McCoi.

By far, this was the most fearless gesture of gay love that I felt. For me, this was the sweetest 5 seconds of my life. Him, kissing me in a very public place was priceless. Inisip ko pa noon na kahit malaglag pa yung sasakyan kong bus sa bangin at mamatay ako eh okay lang.

All my life I was afraid to show who I really was. I never thought that a simple but very public kiss would change me. That single kiss completed me.

So please don't blame me for thinking that he's my "greatest love".

Buti na lang talaga hindi nalaglag yung bus. Kundi, mawawalan na ako ng chance na makilala ang aking "eternal love".

My Brother From Hell

Mahal na mahal ko ang aking mga magulang. Ayaw ko silang makitang nasasaktan. Sigurado ako na ang pagmamahal na ito ang dahilan kung bakit hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa baldado ang isa pa nilang anak. One time kase muntik ko nang baliin ang leeg niya.

Napakasuwerte ng kuya ko dahil siya ang paborito nila nanay at tita. Paborito siyang ipagdasal nila nanay at tita sa kanyang agarang pagbabago. Napakasuwerte din ni kapatid dahil isa lamang siya sa tatlong taong nakatikim ng kamao ko. (The other two being my uncle and college best friend. Saya di ba?)

Hindi talaga kami close ng utol ko. Don't get me wrong though. I don't hate my only sibling. Mahal ko pa din siya kaya nga gusto ko lang na maparalyze siya. I don't want him dead. I only want him to suffer.

Why? Let me cite some reasons.

Una, mautos siya. Noong bata pa ako, pag siya ang inuutusan nila nanay, for sure tatawagin niya ako para iutos sa akin ang utos na iniutos sa kanya nila mudak. Nung mga time na yun inisip ko na mas okay na maging middle child at maging black sheep kesa naman sa maging chimi-ah-ah ng pamilya ko. Looking back, I think I handled that time of my life with poise and finesse like a true little Miss Philippines. Besides, bata pa nga ako at madaling mauto.

Pero ang memory na talagang tumatak sa mura at bubot kong pag-iisip noon ay yung tawaging "panget". Since uto-uto nga ako, ayun naniwala naman ako sa kanya na isa nga akong ugly bakling. Siguro, sadyang Inggitero lang talaga siya. 

When I was a junior in high school nga, my parents bought me new leather shoes and a handsome set of  formal attire for my prom night. Bilang inggitero nga, gusto niya meron din daw siya. Hindi niya narealize na apat na taon na noon ang nakalilipas nung ibinili siya nila parents ng ganung kagarang mga damit dahil may prom din siyang pinuntahan. Yun nga lang, yung kanila, sa school grounds, kami sa hotel. Siguro nga tama lang din na mainggit siya. Chaka ng venue nila eh.

I could list a lot more reasons why I don't like him. But since I have lived with him for almost the entirety of my life, I have already learned to adjust. After all, according to my parents, I am the "understanding sibling". Mas matalino daw kasi ako. Sa kanya ang kaguwapuhan, akin ang katalinuhan. Nagpapasalamat naman ako dahil sa aspeto na ito, tanggap niya ang masaklap na katotohanang sadyang smarter ako. Hindi lang niya alam na mas masaklap ito para sa akin dahil mas gusto kong akin ang looks.

Hindi niya alam na ako ang naiinggit sa dami ng blessings at attention na nakukuha niya. Maambunan lang ako ng mga iyon, masaya na ako. His success is my success too. Kapatid ko siya eh. Pero that doesn't mean that I don't want him crippled still. Gusto ko pa din makita siyang nasa wheelchair because of me.

Ayaw niya kasi ako pahiramin ng laptop eh! Di na tuloy ako makapag-twitter!Waaaaah!!!!

Greatest Love (2)

Thursday ngayon. As I've said in my previous post, I will be writing something about the reasons why I think McCoi is my greatest love.

I've only had three boyfriends in the past and sometimes it's difficult not to compare all three. Para sa akin, lahat sila may itsura, pero si McCoi lang ang guwapo. I'm not saying that the first two are ugly. It's just that for me, si McCoi lang talaga ang guwapo. Sorry Uno at Rey.

I also believe that McCoi is the smartest. (Sorry ulit Uno at Rey). So far, He is the only partner I had that's well-versed on a lot of topics and issues, add to that the fact that he has his own take or opinion on each of them. Because of this, we never ran out of things to talk about - politics, pop culture, religion. Most of the time our opinions don't meet but we've learned to accept that we have our own stand on things.

In spite of the differences in opinion and strong stand on certain matters, there are times that he persuaded me to take his side through his actions. Before, I honestly believed that promises were really made to be broken. During the 18-month relationship we shared, never, not even once, did I see him break his promise, to his friends, his family, and to me. That's why when he promised that it won't come out, I agreed to make a video scandal with him. With matching pictures. (Huwag kayong umasa, according to him, na-reformat yung hard drive, can't be retrieved na yung file!)

Aside from being handsome, smart, opinionated, and being a man of his words, I also like the fact that he puts attention to detail. In one of the countless conversations we had, I may have said to him in passing how I'd love to receive flowers. Not a lot of people know that I'm a sucker for flowers. Baka kasi mapagkamalan, you know. Haha! Previous partners didn't give me flowers, so imagine my surprise when I arrived home and got from him a daisy. I felt like a teenaged bitch girl. Kilig much! Right then and there I wanted to make love with him. He's so sweet!

But there's nothing any sweeter than the next thing I'll share. This, you'll be able to read next thursday. See you!

Imaginary Interview: Greatest Love (1)

Simple lang akong magsulat. Hindi mabulaklak ang aking mga akda. Wala akong mga ginagamit na salitang kailangan pang hanapin sa dictionary.com ang kahulugan. Sa madaling sabi, maganda ako.

Anong connect? 

Wala. Gusto ko lang sabihin na maganda ako, sing ganda ni Anne curtis, ang kaisa-isang taong sinubscribe ko sa FB page ko.

Bakit naman napasok si Anne Curtis sa usapan?

Wala. Pakialam mo ba? Blog mo? Actually meron, Naalala ko kasi si Anne dahil birth month ni McCoi ngayong April.

Oh Eh ano ngayon kung birth month ni McCoi? Asan ang connection dun?

Kung hindi ka intrimitida at patatapusin mo muna ang sinasabi ko, makikita mo din ang koneksyon. So chill.

As I was saying, she reminds me of McCoi. There was this interview she had where she mentioned something about "greatest love". Sabi niya na si Sam Milby ang kanyang "greatest love". Tulad niya, I believe I found my "greatest love"in McCoi. Si McCoi ang Sam Milby sa Anne Curtis ko. Bukod dun, siyempre naaalala ko si Anne curtis bilang maganda nga siya tulad ko di ba?

Annebisyosa!

Nagtatanong ka lang, bawal mag-react. Capisce?

*End of Interview with my bipolar self.*


Mahaba-haba na ang post, lagpas 140 characters na, puwede na dito sa blogger. Anyways, isa lang naman talaga ang gusto ko ipahatid sa post na ito eh. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am dedicating the next three Thursdays of this month on posts that will answer the question why I consider McCoi as my one "greatest love". That's it. Nothing follows. End of story.

Erase! Erase! Erase!

Gusto ko din pala sabihin na Maganda ako. Ayun. Period.

Happiness

Nasaan ba si happiness?


Nasa Baguio, CamSur, Boracay, Palawan, Bohol o Camiguin ba siya?

Sa US of A, Hong Kong, Singapore o Macau kaya?

Mababasa ba ito sa stash mo ng Comics, Novels o Tula?

O baka naman sa tinatago mong erotica?

Di kaya sa movies like Feng Shui, Sukob o Saw 1 to 7?

Puwede din siguro sa M2M Porn, di ba?


Tumabambay din kaya siya sa Malate, Obar o Epitome?

Nagpapa-spa kaya siya sa Wensha or nagpapamasahe sa Queerosity?


Member din kaya siya ng Fitness, Gold's o Slimmers?


Siguro nadun siya sa mainit, at minsan wet, na dampi ng halik ni papi.

Mararamdaman ba natin siya sa gabi-gabing PnP, one night stand o orgy?

Baka nakikita din siya sa araw-araw na pagsasarili.


Nagtatago ba siya sa closet tulad ko?

Or out in the open tulad mo?


Bakit ko nga ba tinatanong 'to?

Nakita ko naman na siya

Happiness is within me kaya!

Kung ikaw di mo pa siya nakikita,

Tara samahan kita!




Happy Easter! =)

Simple Together

Daddy ko,

I don't want to sound too formal to you today, but I'd like you to know that this post is not made for me to retaliate on what you did the day after my birthday. Having said that, I'd like to wish you a very happy birthday! Welcome to the adult world! Your teenage years are over. You were twenteen nine yesterday, You're thirty today.

Selfish as this may sound, I'd like to ask something for me today too. I am requesting this from you because I know that you will have the maturity to accept what I want. I am asking this from you too because it is only you who can grant me this wish.

You know that I am afraid of really telling what's on my mind. I can't stand seeing in your eyes confusion, anger or sadness if I say this to you personally. Hence, this piece. I hope you know that I wanted to see in there only happiness.

A couple of days ago, you shared this song - Simple Things - on your facebook page. I'd like to tell you that the lyrics hit close to home. It seemed like every word, every phrase was created for the sole purpose of bringing back memories I shared with you. You know I don't like listening to music but this one, I must admit, evoked feelings I've been hiding deep inside. This song made me cry.

The song reminded me what we could have been. We could have been sexy together - always felt like that whenever we stroll around Session. We could have been genius together - imagine two smart people brought together, we could have been limitless together. But above all these, We could have been happy together. If only we're still together.

The happiness you gave left a lasting impression on me and I couldn't bear to think about the possibility that I might not get that from anyone else now that we're already separated that's why I agreed to make a pact with you.

I know you don't believe on this, but I promised you forever once more when circumstances beyond our control change. Now, I believe that those will remain beyond our reach. We will never be able to control them. For this, I ask you to relieve me of keeping the promise of forever. I can no longer give that to you.

I am sorry.

Today, I ask for you to not think about the promise anymore. As you turn a year wiser, I ask for you to concentrate more on everything else you ever hoped for. I wish that they may all come true.

I know that you'll understand. I'm never good in keeping promises. One thing holds true though.

I still love you.

Always will. On this, you can count on.


Happy Birthday!



 Love,

 Daddy mo.

PS

I don't want to shed tears anymore that's why this is what I'll play for you.
This song still puts a smile on my face, and you know why.
I love you.

It's Never Too Late

I have been sitting idle for the past three months because, frankly, I don't really know what to do. I lost focus after a heartbreak. Let's leave it at that kasi hindi naman yun ang gusto ko isulat ngayon.

I need to refocus. I need to restart. It's never too late even if three months has passed. Hindi pa naman huli ang lahat para gumawa ng listahan ng mga gusto kong gawin sa susunod na siyam na buwan di ba?

So, to start this month, let me share you the things I need to change and goals I want to achieve before the year ends.

On Health

Before the year ends, I'd like to be physically fit. I will start eating healthy. I will eat more fruits and vegetables,the real ones. I will visit the doctor for the long-delayed follow-up on my hyperthyroid. I will take up a new sport and start running, join the bandwagon probably. But definitely I will start hitting the gym again. I'll make myself irresitable again. Hohoho! And for the nth time, I'll try quitting smoking, again. I am claiming that this year, I'll be successsful.

On Relationships

I will build new friendships and revisit old ones. I have been a hermit for too long. Hopefully, I can start dating again. Who knows, I might find THE one this time.

On Finances

It's long overdue but now I need to find a new employer. When I'm working again, I will see to it that at least 20% of my income goes to my savings. Also, this year I will look for alternative sources of income.

On Recreation

Life will be boring if I will continue to do the things that I have been doing, so this year I will try out new things and set myself out for new adventures. I don't find watching a movie worthwhile, this year, maybe I should. For me, a book is uninteresting, but it will be if it will be my only companion on a retreat to a secluded beach somewhere in Palawan or Bohol maybe.

On Blogging

Hopefully, I won't leave blogging again. I am daring myself to write at least ten posts per month until the end of the year. This year, too, when I'm able to buy myself a nice camera, I will start sharing snapshots I'll take of anything that I find interesting. I will keep this blog simple and personal. I will keep sharing happiness.


Today's April Fools, but right now, there's no fooling around. Ten months na akong ganyan. That's already enough. I know with a pinch of perseverance and a dash of humor, I'll be able to make the remainder of the year a hearty feast.

So help me God. Thank you!

I love you all!