Flesh Trade

I've been wanting to tell one of my secrets that not everyone knows about.

Sabi ni Roy Baumeister et. al., ang kakayahang pigilin ang sarili ay isang ugaling maaaring maubos. No matter how hard we try to control ourselves to avoid certain things, when our willpower gets depleted, we eventually give in.

Tulad ngayon, pinipigilan kong magsulat ng tungkol sa tawag ng laman yamang kasisimula pa lang ng apatnapung araw (actually 46) ng pagtitika bago ipagdiwang ng sangkatolikohan ang Pasko ng Pagkabuhay. But what can you expect? Tao lang ako't ubos na ang aking self-control.

When I say "tawag ng laman", yun ay ang pangangalakal ng laman. Tama, flesh trade.

Yes,naranasan ko nang magbenta ng laman. Nagsimula ako noong ako'y trese pa lang. May tita ako na ganitong linya ang ikinabubuhay. Siya ang nagtulak sa aking pumasok sa ganitong uri ng kalakalan. Sabi niya mas maigi daw na mamulat ako ng maaga sa ganitong buhay.

Noong umpisa, mahirap. Ramdam ko pa kasi yung hiya, lahat kasi ng kasamahan ko macho't matitipuno. Ano na lang panama ng isang binatilyong lampayatot kapag naihilera kasabay ng mga lalaking ito? Bihasa na din sa sales talk yung mga nauna sa akin - konting akbay, konting biro benta agad! Ako, isang tanong, isang sagot lang, walang ka-PR PR.

The flesh trade is a very dirty business. Marami din akong nakilalang tulad kong bata na nasabak ng maaga sa ganitong uri ng trabaho. The younger the better sabi nila. Mas bata mas mabenta, hindi maikakailang kaming mga bata ang center of attraction. Bago kasi kami sa mata ng mga regular na patron ng lugar na yun. Parang silang mga ibong mandaragit na handang lapain ang mga musmos at bubot naming katawan. Nakakatakot sila.

Eventually, sa tulong na rin ng mga kasamahan at ng tita ko. Natuto akong lunukin ang kung anumang hiya, pride o takot sa katawan ko. Hindi ko din ikakailang nakatulong ang malaking perang kinikita ko sa apat na oras na trabaho para makalimutang madumi ang pinasukan ko.

Lahat ng uri ng tao naging customer ko, nariyan ang mga effeminate gays, mga tipong office girls na edukada. Pero, kadalasan kong customers noon ay mga matatandang babae. Yung mga tipong hindi na maitatago ng sanlibong paligo yung amoy alimuom na lumalabas sa katawan nila. Maliban sa kanila, meron ding mangilan ngilang lalakeng customer. Yung mga hindi mo aakalaing dumadayo din sa ganoong lugar. Straight na straight kumbaga. Madalas yung mga uri pa nila ang malakas tumawad pagdating sa presyuhan. Hindi ko na inalintana yun, basta may pera, ayos lang.

Magulo at madugo ang mundong saglit kong ginalawan. Dito ko nakitang magsaksakan ang dalawa kong kasamahan dahil lamang sa agawan ng customer. Sa murang edad na trese, namulat ako sa ganitong mundo. Pero marami akong natutunan. Dito ko nasimulang magtiwala sa power ng self-confidence. Hindi ako bebenta kung hindi ako magtitiwala sa kakayanan kong magbenta. Natuto akong makisalamuha sa lahat ng tao, natuto akong makinig sa mga kuwentong kanilang binabahagi. Natuto din akong makisama. Mahirap na, baka ako pa ang sumunod na magripuhan.

Kahit bata akong nasabak sa tawag ng laman, ayos lang. Kahit na madumi, mahirap, nakakatakot, magulo at madugo ang ganitong trabaho ay maraming bagay akong natutunan. Mga bagay na malamang ay hindi ko mauunawaan saan man. Kaya kung ako'y pagpipiliin, gugustuhin ko pa ring maranasan ang magbenta ng laman.
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Ng baboy, baka at manok. Sa palengke of course. Hindi kami illegal vendor no!

Tungkol sa Akin

Wala akong maisip na mga parirala para makabuo ng isang magandang pangungusap para sa mga susunod na letrang aking isusulat. Gusto ko lamang makagawa ng isang piyesang makapagbibigay ng isang payak na pagsusuma sa aking mga katangian. Nakalahad sa listahan sa ibaba ang ilan sa mga ugaling aking taglay:


1. Hindi talaga ako makata. Trip ko lang isulat sa aking lingua franca ang piyesang ito. Besides, naubusan na ako ng Ingles dahil sa huling post ko. Pero, actually, sadyang limitado lamang talaga ang aking bokabularyo sa banyagang wika. True!

2. Hindi ako palabasa ng mga nobela. Sa talambuhay ko, tatlo pa lang ang uri ng babasahing ito na natapos ko. Namely: Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code, Erich Segal's Doctors, and Ricky Lee's Para kay B.

3. Isang beses lang ako nagkaroon ng talaarawan. I was sixteen going on seventeen when I had my first one. Sa awa ng Diyos, naging gabay yung journal na yun ng aking pinsan para maging isa siyang magaling na manunulat at kartunista ngayon dahil yun mismo ang una niyang ginawang sketch pad noong siya'y maliit pa. Mabuti na yun, kesa dingding namin ang sinulatan niya.

4. Sabi ng mga nakakakilala sa akin, magaling daw akong magluto. Specialty ko ang mga Filipino dishes na merong tomato sauce tulad ng menudo na siya ring pangalan ng isang boy band noong dekada otsenta. Sabi ni Mrs Erabagon, teacher ko noong kinder, kamukha ko daw si Ricky Martin. Kauri ko din siya I say.

5. Mahilig ako sa sports, pero hindi ako magaling. Nasubukan kong mag table tennis, badminton, swimming, volleyball, basketball. May mga non-olympic sports din akong nasubukan tulad ng bowling, billiards, darts, at chess. Given the chance, gusto ko matuto ng surfing, lawn tennis at soccer. I'd like to try triathlon at dragon boat racing too.

6. Mahilig ako sa mga walang katuturang impormasyon A.K.A. trivias. Alam kong hindi lang mga tao ang marunong sa oral sex. Ginagawa rin ito ng mga cheetah, hyenas at kambing.

7. "Bahala ka na, malaki ka na." ang kadalasan kong sagot sa mga kaibigang humihingi ng payo sa kanilang mga buhay-buhay. Paniniwala ko kasi na kahit na anong pangaral ang gawin ko sa kanila, at the end of the day, desisyon pa din nila ang masusunod. Kapag sablay ang desisyon nila, hindi ako magdadalawang isip na sabihing "Tangeks! Lika nga, hug kita".

8. Madali akong mairita sa cliffhanger ng mga TV series kaya pinapatapos ko muna ang season bago ko panoorin ng buong buo ang Fringe, Glee, at The Big Bang Theory.

9. Kailangan muna lumubog ang araw bago ako lumabas ng bahay kasama ng mga kaibigan. Ayokong ma-sunburn. Pero ang totoo, sinumpa kasi ako ni Inang Kalikasan ng hyperhydrosis at sa takipsilim lamang hindi grabe ang sumpang ito.

10. Bilang diwatang isinumpang maging isang mortal na pawisin, madalas ay inaasam ko ring makabalik at manirahan sa kahariang pinagmulan ng aking Ina - sa Pangasinan. Doon kasi ay masamyo ang simoy ng hangin at musika ang pagaspas ng mga matatayog na puno ng indian mango, grapefruit, jackfruit, sinigwelas, kamachile at aratilis. Sa bawat pagdampi ng hangin sa aking maselang balat, napapawi nito ang pawis na kaakibat ng aking sumpa.


Wala na akong ibang maisip na pang-uring maglalarawan sa aking pagkatao kaya iiwan ko muna sa sampu ang mga bagay na makapagbibigay buhay sa akin - si Mark Joe ang huling inosenteng nilalang.

HB 3596

The country's sunshine industry may never see the light of day when a bill in the US congress gets enacted.

House Bill 3596, also known as the Bishop Bill, or the "US Call Center and Consumer Protection Bill" introduced by Rep. Tim Bishop, seeks to discourage outsourcing of US companies by restricting federal assistance like loans and grants and imposing a $10,000 penalty per day if these companies won't bring back call center jobs in the US.

It isn't a surprise that American legislators propose such measures given that the unemployment rate in the US is alarming. Additionally, it is the election season there, these congressmen and senators would do everything to make their names as rosy as the blooms in Pasadena, or as big as the balloons of Macy's. It brings no surprise that these legislators would protect their constituents whole-heartedly, or with otherwise ulterior benefits for themselves.

Our country's political and business leaders think that the proposed measure won't advance, that it will just remain a bill. After all, they believe that it will be the US conglomerates themselves who will lobby against its passage. They believe that outsourcing is practical. I agree.

But, what if?

If this bill gets enacted, what will happen to me and the other half a million Filipinos who have made this type of employment our bread and butter? I can't blame the US from taking care of their own workforce, but what is our own government doing to make sure that we get a steady and sustainable source of income?

Just believing that the bill won't become a law because others will do the lobbying for our own government doesn't sit well with me. What happens to the belief if the bill gets passed? Nganga na lang tayo?

I know that it does no good to just rely my career's fate on the government but it pays to know that our leaders are doing something to prevent the bill's passage, or at least mitigate the sure impact to us just in case it becomes a law. I'm not asking the government to turn the heavens upside down. I don't want them to bully a bully. I just want them to at least lend an ear and assure me that I'm in good hands and that they are doing something about this issue. That's it. I thank you.




PS

I need 500 cc O+ blood type to replace those I lost. Nosebleed!

Tanong ng Isang Gutom nA NilalanG

Lately, I've been bugged by a series of questions.

I've asked myself: Is it possible for a person to be inclined to evil in as much as he is predisposed to goodness?

Someone reminded me that there will always be two sides of the coin. Kung may girl may boy. May bakla may tomboy. May top may bottom. Surely there will be the good side and the bad side too.

I like to believe that I'm good. Naniniwala akong meron akong GMRC kahit na yun lang ang kaisa-isang subject sa elementary at highschool na may line of 7 ako.

Ngayon, mayroong kumakalog sa kaibuturan ng aking puso na maniwalang hindi lang kabutihan ang nananalaytay sa berde kong dugo.

Is this the beginning of a slow destruction to corruption?

Will I give in to temptation?

Shall I embrace the dark side?

Is it the last innocent man no more?

My Valentine's Day Ten Years Ago

Disclaimer: Hindi ako bitter sa araw na ito.

I just would like to write about the very first heartbreak I had with a partner that coincidentally happened on a Valentine's day.

Her name is Sandra, totoo niyang pangalan. Para maiba naman. Lagi na lang kaseng "not his/her real name" ang nababasa ko. Sa pangalan at panghalip pa lang na ginamit ko, alam nang bilat siya. Oo, isa siyang true-blooded pinay at hindi siya ambisyosa. May kipay talaga siya.

Anyways, Si Sandra ang una kong GF. Isa siya sa mga boarders sa tinirhan kong coed na dormitory sa Baguio. I was already staying at that dorm for a year when she moved in kasama ng ate niyang mukhang mangkukulam. Naaalala ko pa, bulung-bulungan sa dorm noon na hindi talaga sila magkapatid kase daw parang Batanes at Jolo ang distansiya ng itsura nila. Ang ate niya mangkukulam, siya diwata. Turned out, ako pala ang fairy. Choz!

Nung time na yun, si Sandra ang gabi gabing pantasya ng mga dormmates kong lalaki. Sexy kase siya, morena at makinis. Parang pandak na version lang ni ate Venus Raj. Noon, ang klase ko sa school was only until late in the afternoon. Siya umaabot yata ng 7PM. Tuwing dumadating siya sa dorm, nakikita ko siya kase tumatambay ako sa labas ng building para magyosi. I often catch her giving a second glance at me pag nasa may pinto na siya ng dorm. Maybe because I thought she hates it when people smoke in front of the dormitory. She didn't smoke. But I've got a more plausible explanation why, she envied the fact that I'm more gorgeous than her. Ching!

Dahil nga she was the in-house celebrity back then, I got interested. It became a habit for me to wait for her to arrive, and without fail, those second glances kept coming. Hanggang sa magkaroon ako ng lakas ng loob na sabihin ang napakahirap sabihing salita ng isang napakamahinhin at walang bahid dungis at landi na dalagang Pilipina - Hi!

Umabot sa punto na ang paghihintay sa labas ay may kaakibat ng chocolates at bulaklak courtesy of le moi! At dahil wala pang mga unlicalls, texts, FB, BBM, SEB, PNP, at kung anu ano pang acronyms noon, may kasama ding handwritten letters na bigay ko para sa kanya. Happy keps ako siya noon, laging basa tulad ng weather noong time na yun. Naging theme song nga namin ang Tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka kase sa tuwing magde-date kami kailangan kong magdala ng payong to keep us both dry sa wet weather.

It was all well for almost the entirety of the 6-month relationship. I was happy, I thought she was. I soon found out that she was getting chummy with one of the closest guy friends I had in that dorm, si Olan, tunay pa rin niyang pangalan. There were rumors that this guy friend was interested with her. At first I just shrugged it off because he was a good friend, and undeniebly Sandra's hot, so no man wouldn't be interested in her. More than that, I trusted my friend, and I trusted her.

Valentine's day 2002. At the last minute she cancelled our date. She needed to finish school requirements she said. She wouldn't be home that night. I was disappointed but what devastated me was when I received a text from another friend saying that she saw Sandra with Olan. The F di ba?

Tonight's weather is gloomy. That night's was too. I remember a slight drizzle. With just my phone, a couple of a thousand bucks, on flip flops, denim shorts and a red shirt, I aimlessly wandered around Baguio, literally.

Next thing I knew, I was on a bus headed for Nueva Ecija. I knew no one who lived in that place, but there I was on a bus going that route. That's when I noticed several missed calls and a very short text message from her.

"It's over." The text said.

The day after, while still in Nueva Ecija, I stumbled upon a place that had a butterfly sanctuary. At this point, my mind was still whack so I went in, and saw these creatures flapping their wings. A lady inside the garden shared to me a few notes on a butterfly's life cycle. According to her, these beautiful butterflies had to go through several stages shedding their old skin to become what they were when I saw them.

After that, I went back to Baguio, spiralled my life downward a bit, and when the pain was gone, eventually found another girlfriend. Yes, you heard it, another girlfriend.

Sampung taon na ang nakararaan. I still have trust issues, medyo mahirap traydorin ng mga taong pinagkatiwalaan ko. Pero I've learned my lesson. Yun ang importante.

10 years after, naiisip ko ngayon na hindi lang din naman siguro puro kay Sandra ang sisi kung bakit kami nagkahiwalay. Siguro may mga pagkukulang ako sa kanya. Hindi ko siguro naipadama sa kanya na hindi lang Valentine's day ang dapat special, dapat everyday. Kaya yang Valentine's day na yan shouldn't be a red-letter day for partners, dahil everyday should be a holiday pagdating sa mga puso! Again, I'm saying this not because I'm bitter or single. Atchaka, bakit ako magiging bitter? Eh haller? tulad ng mga paru-paro sa garden na nakita ko, I've already shed my old skin noh. Hindi na ako Lalake. Babae na ako! Charot!=)

Happy Valentine's Day!

To Whom It May Concern

Naiinggit ako kila Travis at Jepoy sa mga sulat na ginawa nila para sa partners nila. Inggit din ako kase single ako ngayong araw ng mga puso. Wala akong pagsusulatan ng ganun gustuhin ko mang gumawa ng ganung kasu-sweet na mga sulat. Pero dahil inggitera ako at na-inspire ako, gugustuhin ko pa ding sumulat to whoever that one may be that I'm destined to share my life with. Travis at Jepoy, salamat po sa pagbibigay inspirasyon.

__________

To whom it may concern,

My babe,

I am Mark your soon-to-be partner in life. You may not know me yet and I may not know you yet too but I'm sure the universe will play its role as our fairy godmother and bring us together to live our happily ever after.

Just like old fairy tales, Our life together, at the start, may have its share of trials and difficulties but as we go along I am positive that we will work things out. We will have misunderstandings but eventually we will compromise. We will make mistakes and apologize for them. We will forgive.

I can't promise to provide you with anything and everything that your heart desires but I assure you that I will try my best, for your happiness. You will be my happiness and I will give my best to keep you, my happiness, happy.

To some, our story might not be as colorful or as lovely as those novels we read today. I don't care. For me, our love story will be the greatest masterpiece ever written and I will share this masterpiece only with you.

I know we will share a lot of experiences. We will travel together. We will laugh and cry together. You will teach me how to drive. I will teach you how to ride a bike. You will meet my family, I will meet yours. I will propose. You will say yes. We will have kids. A lot of them.

This early, I would like to thank you for all that you will let me experience with you. I am still here because of you. You are my life. I will cease to exist without you. I love you. Whoever you may be.

Your babe,

Mark Joe

Page 38 of 366

For the past three days, I've been feeling sick. I had a low grade fever last night. I wanted to write and think of happy thoughts despite this stupid headache and runny nose I have, so here I am typing away my thoughts.

My tummy twinges and every morning for the past couple of days, I feel like barfing. Oh gawd! This can't be it, I'm not pregnant! I'm not yet ready. Ayoko pa maging batang ina!

Tanga! Unang una bakit ka mabubuntis? May matres ka ba? Sabi ni Stephen, my friend.

Kung maka-tanga lang wagas, pero may point siya. Besides, I'm sure I used protection the last time. So cannot be.

A friend, who's in the medical field also mentioned that what I'm experiencing at the moment are the effects of what I'm doing right now. I'm quitting smoking, for the nth time. Naalala ko nga, I get sick whenever I try to stop.

Now I ask myself. What are the rewards of quitting? I could think of several benefits. A healthier lifestyle, reduced chances of getting the big C, which the family has a history of, more savings since I don't have to buy cigarettes anymore. The list goes on.

Why can't I stop the habit completely then? I don't know. Maybe because someone hasn't promised yet to give me the reward I really, really wanted for quitting.

Ano yun?

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Hello Kitty Muscle Shirt.

Size zero, yung pink.

Tinidor

Ilang buwan na lang magiging trenta na ako.

Madami-dami na din ang nangyari sa buhay ko. Andiyan ang ilang tagumpay at kasawian.May mga dumating at lumisan. Marami-rami na ring naranasan at hindi pa nararanasan.

Masarap balikan ang alaala ng nakaraan. Kahit yung mga masakit at malungkot, tinatawanan ko na lang. Sa susunod na mga yugto ng buhay ko, ano nga ba ang dapat kong maramdaman? Takot? Saya? Pagkabahala?

Nakatatakot isipin na sa bawat desisyon, magandang kinabukasan ang maaaring mawala. Nakatutuwa rin naman kung matiwasay na bukas ang sasapitin. Ngunit, Ako'y naririto nasa ngayon. Nababahala sa puwedeng maging kahihinatnan ng aking gagawin.

Ano ang dapat kong gawin? Itutuloy ko ba ang pagsabay sa agos ng buhay o simulang managwan papunta sa nararapat kong kalagyan?

Kumu-Kuh Ledesma lang.

=\

Isang Nakahihiyang Panaginip

I had a dream. A bad dream. A very bad dream.

Nakipagtalik daw ako sa isang merlat. She's brunette. Meron siyang mala-Megan Young na labi, maputi, sexy, walang puson, at around 36D na pares ng boobelya. She wore a two piece bikini na kulay gold.

See what I mean? Que Horror!

Ang setting ay sa isang mainit na beach resort. I was eating sinigang na hipon, the real one and that bilat approached me to play billiards. Since wala ng ibang hipon na puwedeng makain sa resort na yun, I obliged.

Habang naglalaro at dahil may kainitan ang resort at medyo nagfo-flow na ang pawis sa underarm ko, I asked her if I could remove my shirt. Ngumiti lang siya sabay lapit sa akin at parang may kung anong ibinulong sa aking tenga. Bigla akong lumingon sa kanya at hinalikan ang kanyang mga labi. Pagkatapos noon ay bumulong siya ulit at walang kaabog-abog kong hinubad ang aking board shorts at tinanggal ang kanyang swimwear. Sa billiards hall!

Buti na lang siya lang ang tao doon. Hindi ako counted kasi diyosa ako.

Hindi siya Brazilian. Japanese siya. May malago siyang garden kahit puro bermuda grass lang ang nakita ko. Curiously, hindi ako nandiri sa bushes kahit wala akong nakitang puno sa damuhan. I like trees pa naman. Lalo na yung mga trees na nagsisitaasan at nagsisihabaan. Hihi!

Anyways, may binulong ulit siya sa akin and then I asked her to enter my room. Doon sinimulan niyang paglaruan ang aking disco stick. Dinilaan niya, sinubo niya, inupuan niya. My Gawd!

We did roleplay. Isa akong misyonero mula sa Mehiko at siya ang cowgirl na gusto kong i-convert. As she was riding the bull like there was no tomorrow. Something horrendous happened.

Nagising ako.

Pawis na pawis.

Nanginginig.

Matutuwa na sana ako dahil nagising ako sa isang nakapanghihilakbot na panaginip, but I was wrong.

Isa akong tampalasang bakla.

Nahihiya ako...

May kung ano kasing ibinuga si junjun ko.

That, my friends, is what you call a wet dream at 29.

Nakakahiya talaga!!

=/