Feeling helpless

People say that writers have what they call the "Writers block". I couldn't think of anything to write about. I'm a writer then. Haha!

Joking aside, I think I just don't have the interest to write because negativity is the dominant thought i have now. I don't want to write about negative things.

My apologies to the universe for releasing negative vibes. I just have to do this.

Prior to coming out, I thought that the problems i faced were just being complicated by me hiding in the closet. I guess I'm wrong. I'm out (to some) and yet the problems are still there and taking its toll on me. Friends start noticing that i'm losing weight, again.

Maybe this is just stress. I've been thinking a lot lately. about my family, home, work, myself, and the relationships i have.

I have been missing my duties as the breadwinner in the family. I have neglected the responsibilities I needed to do with my job. I forgot to take care of myself. now I'm feeling its effect.

The only bright side to my life right now is the love that I have. But I also feel that I have been unfair with love. I wanted to do so much more but I feel like I'm restricted by the baggages that I carry. I wanted to give so much more, but I'm afraid I won't get the same back. I am selfish.

I want to cry, be alone and lick my wounds. But I don't have enough time to.

I feel like everything is a race where we all have to run as fast as we can to end up the winner. I'm tired of running, but I have to.

Emoterong Paminta

" Uncertainty is the biggest torture in love. You feel jealous, yet you can't complain. You can get hurt, yet you can't show it. You can love with your all, yet you can't say it. All you can do is watch, keep the pain, enjoy the smiles, and show how that person means to you."

From:
maia.zabat
+63917*******
Sent:
04-Oct-2009 21:58
Received:
04-Oct-2009

Maia knows I'd react.

I'm in Deep Dog Poop

When it rains, it pours. That's all that I can say for now. This side of the ghetto may not have been affected by the flood, but I'm swamped by woes.

I'm choked by my debt. Internet's been disconnected since September 15th, then just last night, cable's been stopped. I'm already getting collection calls!Waaah!

The only thing I hold dear,my laptop, is broken. Just right after the warranty expired, the monitor started acting up. Hayst!

I'm beginning to think of defaulting on my life insurance. hayst uli.

But behind the clouds, there's a silver lining (totoo), Behind Ondoy's Clouds, there's hope. If not for him, I won't be able to get part of our 13th month salary. My employer would've given it by December.

Mababayaran ko na ang bills! Mapapagawa ko na ang laptop ko! Hindi ako magdedefault sa insurance!Yahoo!