Feeling helpless

People say that writers have what they call the "Writers block". I couldn't think of anything to write about. I'm a writer then. Haha!

Joking aside, I think I just don't have the interest to write because negativity is the dominant thought i have now. I don't want to write about negative things.

My apologies to the universe for releasing negative vibes. I just have to do this.

Prior to coming out, I thought that the problems i faced were just being complicated by me hiding in the closet. I guess I'm wrong. I'm out (to some) and yet the problems are still there and taking its toll on me. Friends start noticing that i'm losing weight, again.

Maybe this is just stress. I've been thinking a lot lately. about my family, home, work, myself, and the relationships i have.

I have been missing my duties as the breadwinner in the family. I have neglected the responsibilities I needed to do with my job. I forgot to take care of myself. now I'm feeling its effect.

The only bright side to my life right now is the love that I have. But I also feel that I have been unfair with love. I wanted to do so much more but I feel like I'm restricted by the baggages that I carry. I wanted to give so much more, but I'm afraid I won't get the same back. I am selfish.

I want to cry, be alone and lick my wounds. But I don't have enough time to.

I feel like everything is a race where we all have to run as fast as we can to end up the winner. I'm tired of running, but I have to.